Peace, Thanks. Yes, it's exhausting. What are you referring to by "You have done so well"? Do you mean about being patient with my H?
As for an optimistic outlook, I really feel there's no other better way than to be optimistic because "thoughts become things". This whole journey has taught me gratitude. I also shared this with my H during our R talk. I think I surprised him with many of the things I said. He brought up that I was controlling in our M. I told him I understand now why I was that way. That my counselloe very early on in the S told me I needed control of my world because I was abandoned from childhood days. I needed to control my world all those years to feel safe because there was not anyone else who would show me love and care. I explained that the C told me that if only my H and I had understood, he'd be able to point out whenever I tried to be controlling so I can be aware of it and stop. But for the most part, I am aware enough to stop myself.
He said he tried to be there for me and I explained why I didn't see it. He wasn't consistent, because he himself was/is dealing with his own issues (which he may not be aware of, even now) and he said he's forgetful.
We talked about our love tanks being empty. I asked if he still thought I didn't love him. I think he said he doesn't think that anymore (after almost 2 years). He really is surprised that I wasn't happy that he left. He honestly thought I wanted him to leave.
