Minkerman: Coasting into an uncertain future

[minkerman]

Just got home from our dinner. It did not go well. She has checked out of the marriage 100%.

We sat down and ordered a bottle of wine and dinner...we sat on a sunny patio at street level, it was really nice. This bistro was our favourite place.

We started off talking about what we've been up to, about her promotion, about my music and my work. But the convo eventually came around to "us", and she told me that she hoped I was moving forward. I told her I was, and (once again) that I was open to reconcile but I sure wasn't waiting for her to make up her mind. She said "well don't wait...because I just don't think I am coming back". "So, this is our breakup dinner?" I asked. She started crying and saying how sorry she was. I never cracked, I just said I was sorry too, and I thanked her for helping me move forward with no guilt.

She said she loves me so much, but she is certain that she'll never get the loving feelings back.

So, we finished our dinner, I drove her home and now here I am.

As I dropped her off, we talked a bit, she kept trying to hold my hand, and she cried a lot...once again, I kept my composure. No way was she going to see me cry this time.

I asked her to promise that if she ever changed her mind, that she would at least let me know. I said it may mean that I tell her "too late, that ship has sailed", or it could mean that I choose to break the heart of another woman, to go back to her. We never know until it happens. She promised me that she would do that...she said she owed that much to "us".

My marriage is over. How it hurts for me to type that.