Hope, Lissie, Always, and others said it better. He won't make it work with a new gf. He hasn't dealt with the past. His old demons will re-emerge. He is lying as Always said, he is skimming off the top, as Lissie said. If you aren't prepared to work on a relationshp that was good, how can you know how to work on one that is new. He doesn't have the tool kit
It is sad, but the person he is really damaging, apart from the new gf, is himself now. He may look good, he hopes for happiness. Oh Goody for him.
Hope, I agree with them all.........everyone's thots. You go ahead and heal. Your H will have it all happen again one day.
Having lived with it in my own life.........my H is an escaper too.......and in hindsite..........I was the greener grass......that didn't turn out being green at all.
so it goes........
you are stronger all the time..........
you will heal.........
I feel badly for his new gf...........she's getting a raw deal and doesn't know it yet.
hugs and love and prayers to you,
frankly..........my biggest hurt would be the loss of the dog........now that would have ripped my heart apart!
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
the difference is HIM, he isnt' that good man you married, this new one doesn't know a good thing when he sees one.
Yes, he's putting all the unresolved issues under the rug and trying a new R, which will be fine for a while (aren't all relatively new Rs fine for a while?) but real life will kick in, and the old stuff will be back like a monkey on his back.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry, this just sounds like an excruciatingly painful couple of hours, and I hate it that you had to experience it.
I hope you are slowly hour by hour starting to feel better. YOu have such good messages from everyone...angelica, jack, lissie, always and the rest, but just in case you missed the point, I wanted to say this one more time:
Originally Posted By: hopefloats7
It is very hard to see him so put together now, moving on, straightening out his life, but not wanting to include me in it ever again.
HOpe he is not "so put together", not at all, not one bit. People who are put together do not start new Rs with lies. People who are put together do not sit all by themselves, alledgedly punishing themselves, and then arrogantly decide to end a two-party R without inviting the other person's input.
He is not together, he is still in a selfish, stewing, MLC mess. JMO, LOL!!!!!
Really I am just so proud of you that you didn't lose it completely and pull out his hair...sitting there spouting that claptrap to your face! YOu win the award for self-control, sweetie.
Something really good is just around the turn for you, I know it. In the meantime, smooches and hugs.
He isn't put together, or straightening his life out. He is fragmented and lying. He may seem to be moving forward but he is surely hauling a MAJOR load around with him. Yeah, he has it locked away deep inside himself for now. But in time it will all come bursting out again. He can't stop it because he didn't deal with it the first time.
I know it hurts that he wants his new R work. But no matter how much he may WANT it to work, he's doing the WORK to make it work. He is riding on the euphoria of a new R. In the early stages a new R always seems great and we always want and believe it will work. He's started this one on lies. Even if he didn't outright LIE to her, by omitting the truth he has. When she finds out the truth she will be hurt. Unless of course she is a heartless coniving ow type who doesn't care. And if that is the case, well, they're both making a mistake.
Anyway, after all of my rambling, he might APPEAR to have it all together and happily moving on. But we all know appearances can be deceiving.
Hi. So sweet of you to check on me. I'm ok. I recently found out that I have to have an operation in a few weeks. I should be fine, but it's just something I need to take care of. I shouldn't have, but I emailed H about this. He never wrote back at all. I felt pretty down about it, but Lissie reminded me that he just doesn't want to be responsible for my feelings. Anyway, he did text me today to ask what I was having done (um, I told him in the email). He just responded, "oh, ok." He didn't even call me to talk to me about it; just texted that. I really shouldn't have even shared any of this with him.
It's kind of scary; I've never had surgery like this before. My mom is going to come stay a night or two at my apt. with me so I'm not alone. I feel like a charity case. I have no one to help me when I am sick.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
