thanks donna. right now h still deposits his whole base salary check in "our" acct and that is the money I use. he also gets a commission check which is what he's been living on. I know that is going to change with the DA though. the bonus check he just told me about because his company direct deposited it into our acct. if he takes it out, he takes it out, if not, well, it will stay until we divide along with the other assets.
I love love love the idea of giving the kids a corner of the garden to plant as they wish. very nice. my landscaper just did a spring cleanup and everything looks sooo nice and ready to bloom or to be filled in with new plants. may let the kids do something in a corner. they will love it! actually, instead of in the beds, think I'll get some big pots and they can each plant one out and we'll put them on the porch.
I've seen that sweet pea teepee thing...very cute. if you get it, let me know how it turns out. I loooove sweet peas. I love any fragrant flower. in fact, I'm finally going to plant roses here. I have in past houses, but haven't here for some reason. I love real roses, the kind that actually smell. don't get me wrong, florist ones are very pretty, but there is something about ones fresh from the garden that actually smell like roses that are 10x nicer.
speaking of nice smelling flowers, I have 6 huge lilac bushes that have lovely little buds on them right now...can't wait!
see, so many good things!
I have 2 boxes for my kitchen garden I need to figure out how to keep the freaking woodchucks/bunnies/other creatures from eating this year. I don't know how they get up onto the boxes, but I had the most beautiful lettuce last year that was destroyed before I even got a leaf. sigh. same with sunflowers. for some reason I can't get them past the just starting to shoot stage.
now that I have bored everyone with garden talk...
its a bright, sunny, warm day today and hopefully we can get out in it a bit. everyone slept last night, so that is good. prayers that the boys (still sleeping) are doing much better today.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
no, not puppy dog feeling, is just a human desire to feel appreciated it for a hard day's work. Huge hugs)))))))))))) my hat's off to ladies with more than 2 children, it must be so hard when they get sick, you are a hero luv
about the garden, the way a supermarket in my area and my workplace keeps birds away is by perching a wood falcon/own on a high place, & not a bird in sight!
My garden is non existant, I kill house plants, not a green finger nail in my hand, lol
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
so do ya think h is reading these boards? just got this from him:
just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that I have not been there to help with this current sick period. I know it sucks and that you probably don’t think I appreciate the way you have dealt with it. I can assure you I do. I know it’s not easy and you deserve all the credit in the world for being such a great Mom, especially when stuff like this happens.
yowza. well, if you are reading, h, hi. and I appreciate the appreciation. if you aren't here, wow. thanks again. I mean it.
at least the beauty is now I am at a place where I don't read even a microscopic bit of hope. I read it for what it is. that's a good thing.
Last edited by SallyM; 04/16/0804:15 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Sally, that was just creepy. If he is reading it, at least he is interested in how you are dealing with the whole thing, which is more than I can say about my stbx. If not, he was around you today, and can probably still "read" your non-verbal cues. Good and bad thing, that.
Maybe best to take the stance that the universe heard your request and answered in abundance. Good karma. So, remember to keep thinking positively. And if you ask for George Clooney's clone to come fix something in your house, and he just has to take his shirt off to do it, all the better!! Give him my address ;0)
back from my trip to VA. was a lot of fun...well, except for the traffic last saturday. the trip down was a nightmare, but overall a good trip and the drive home was a breeze. my kids were phenomenal...just love them and had so much fun on our little adventure. they are just awesome, sweet, wonderful little people. we had lots of fun visiting my sisters, their h's, and my nieces/nephew. just nice to get away.
on monday h didn't call to talk to the kids like he always does. my son called him because he missed him and h didn't answer, no idea why...maybe didn't have his phone, who knows. at 9:30pm h called just really sad, crying, saying he was sorry about everything. I felt for him, I did, but now I know it doesn't mean anything other than that he is sorry. that he is having a bad moment. I get that now. I didn't delve into why he was sad, just left it to him to process. but I did say a prayer that he would find some peace, because it does still hurt to hear him hurt so much. maybe that's insane of me, but I hate anyone to hurt. well, I wouldn't mind a vicious stomach bug for ow, lol, but you know what I mean.
when I got home last night, he came by to see the kids for a bit. he told me he came by the house on monday to bring the paper in (I forgot to put a hold on it and he did it but missed a day). that was weird, because its way the hell out of his way for just a paper. a little while later he came in and said he didn't want to lie to me (? um, really????) and that he had come here monday and stayed over that night.
I'm very conflicted about that. I'm happy that he told me, but at the same time it feels really weird for him to be here now. he left us...he left this house. its a life he has said over and over again that he doesn't want. I don't know what his motivation was for coming. did he have a fight with ow? did he just need some time to say goodbye to his former life one last time before the divorce? I don't know. likely I never will. I didn't ask, its really none of my business (his motivation, not the fact that he stayed here). the only thing I asked was if ow was with him. he looked shocked at such an idea, horrified in fact, but said he can understand that I think very little of him but he would never do that. hope that is true. the idea of her in my home makes me ill.
I need to talk to him about boundaries. I suppose soon enough this will be a non-issue anyway because I'll likely be in a different home and he won't have keys.
anyway, not much else to tell. S6 starts t-ball tomorrow. he had his first practice today in fact. soooo cute. can hardly stand how cute he is in his uniform. h is the coach. makes it hard in a way, because it still hurts sometimes watching him interact with the kids. but overall am doing okay. and am sooo glad he is doing this for/with S6.
I have 2 huge fears...one that he will want more time with the kids (therefore I have less). the second is that he will drop out of their lives, that he will lose interest in maintaining the relationship with them.
okay, enough h talk!
fun stuff. my b-day is next wedn. I'm one of those people who is really, really into her birthday. always have been, always will be. I'll be 90 years old in a home somewhere someday insisting that someone put a candle in my jello. lol. but I'm really okay with a quiet one this year. its still important to me, and I'm okay that h isn't in my life to celebrate it with.
I do wish I was going to memphis next weekend, however. I really wanted to. but the scot in me is freaking out about the economy and about how much the divorce will cost and I'm just too scared to spend the money at this point. I need the time away, I need the fun, but I also need the security of not spending right now. when I feel more on my feet, hopefully that will change. and hoping to see some folks locally soon!
hope everyone is well! will be checking in tomorrow.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
