Originally Posted By: hopefulll
Ok. A phone call (which she abruptly hung up) which turned into a chat may be paraphrased thusly:

Me: I understand, now, that you don't want this marriage to work. I guess I respect that. But if that's the case I need you to find a place sooner than later.
Her: I know that and I'm looking online every day. I don't need you reminding me every four days and being an a$$hole! [click!]

Later...

Me: You hung up.
Her: You were being an a$$. *
Me: Don't come home this weekend.
Her: You can't say that. You have no right to tell me what to do. You cannot.
And I honestly don't remember any mention of a futon?!? Am I completely not listening? And here I am following advice and it seems to be backfiring. Or am I looking at it askew? Help! I need a fresh set of eyes!

What's next, no conversations at all? Is that a reasonable approach?



I hate to say it but your W sounds a little immature with actions like hanging up on you when you were being reasonable (my H used to do that too!) \:\( . I don't think you should be letting her be verbally abusive like calling you a** or crazy or anything like that.

My H used to be like that and I have decided I will no longer tolerate any abuse. Once or twice, I have told him not to yell at me or he needs to leave and I also won't tolerate any more name-calling or abuse by him. Oddly since I've decided this my H seems to have quit the verbal abuse/name calling. Maybe b/c I've gotten stronger and he realizes that and/or H is seeing a therapist for his anger and other issues so maybe he is working on that also. It was really unhealthy dynamic, his abuse and me just putting up with it & getting depressed. The last time he yelled at me and didn't stop I left the room for example, b/c I just won't tolerate it anymore. I think that has to do with respect, and it sounds like she is not respecting you enough.

Re: going to no conversations or not, I try to cut down conversations with my H (which is tough b/c I'm a talker :)), & no R talk at all, but when we do talk I keep things light, positive, happy, mildly friendly. It has improved our friendship at least! \:\) Karen

Me 53
D18, S24