As to how this can change, I don't know either. In the same way that he feels I shouldn't want to do these changes around the house for him, I don't want him to feel like he has to spend time with me just for me. It should be natural. It should be genuine and come from the heart.
It being natural is not necessarily a realistic expectation. In my mind it ranks right there with him expecting you to know what he wants. Just like you don't naturally do things the way he does, he doesn't naturally speak your LL.
Now, being genuine and coming from the heart is another matter. That is what you are doing for him, and you expect him to reciprocate. Not unreasonable, but an expectation all the same.
This may be like a lot of DBing, you may have to take the lead. If you work on his LL and be a bit selfless (while still taking care of yourself) he might get to a point where he can start to return your selflessness.
As for how to encourage him to spend time with you, I think it needs to be as much fun as possible and conflict-free. You need to spend time reconnecting, not hashing out kid stuff. You realize that and you want it. He doesn't because he doesn't think you guys can spend that time together and it be pleasant. This is because of the past.
If you could think of 1-2 things that might make him feel that way, then think of creative ways to minimize/eliminate that, you may be on to something big.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
