After 3 long years, H is home

[GoingForward]

Your impression is correct, and yes, he's venting without actually thinking before speaking. He's told me that this is what he does. This is how he is.

He also seems to be looking for reassurances. I find it very interesting that he said you shouldn't do it for him, but when you insisted you wanted to he seemed to like it. Perhaps this was a convoluted WOA for him?

Maybe. I'm not sure. I get the feeling from him that I should just KNOW to do these things, and because they aren't/weren't part of my routine, my way of living (before he moved back in, mind you), then it means to HIM that I do not care, about him and/or about these duties or whatever he wants to call them.

I also find it interesting that he is verbalizing the fact that maybe you want him to make changes. It's almost like he was throwing it out there to see your response. I think he's feeling pressure to make changes and isn't "there" yet. I don't know if the pressure is coming from you or him or family or friends. But somewhere, it is there.

This could be because of our convo last night where I pointed out all that he's done this past week....without having spent any time with me. He knows I would like more QT alone, but he's not ready, and since I brought it up, I 'made' him feel guilty and that is why he got mad. He also knows that he could've spent time with me last night after the kids were in bed, but he wanted to go to a friend's house instead. When I made the "selfless" statement, he cried. I think it hit a nerve with him. Perhaps made him realize he was being rather selfish.

I'm not trying to point out and say that he IS selfish. H has admitted this to me himself. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants, and doesn't want any BS about it since he works so hard. Understandable, but how is that fair to me? What about my feelings? My needs and wants?

As to how this can change, I don't know either. In the same way that he feels I shouldn't want to do these changes around the house for him, I don't want him to feel like he has to spend time with me just for me. It should be natural. It should be genuine and come from the heart.

It's apparent that he's not there.