I still choose to believe that this phenomenon was an emotional shift in my former spouse. It's too depressing to look back on twenty years and somehow believe that all those moments were lies. Something happened inside her and suddenly what once mattered, stopped mattering. What was once important, was suddenly unimportant.
In the surgical world, one of the most difficult things you can do is 'bump' another surgeon. Bumping a case means that you have a patient that develops a surgical emergency and that you must move your patient ahead of a regularly scheduled case. Bumping another surgeon's case typically occurs when a patient arrives in the ER with a true emergency ( a perforated colon, eg). Bumping another surgeon:
may disrupt his day and/or cause him to be late to office hours
delay the operating room schedule
annoy the anesthesiologists who like to go home early
What's the point? I had to bump another surgeon once....a long time ago. He became so angry (think about it...because I HAD A CRITICALLY ILL PATIENT), that at one point, he raised his fists to me and blamed me for this as if I did it to make it to a Broadway show on time (not).
Today, that same surgeon and I talk, we assist each other...we are friends.
It's an amazing thing how some of our spouse's cannot forgive. They turn their hearts away from us. As mentioned above, the things that are good in us....the good memories...like a computer...are 'minimized' and they begin to allow negative 'popup' windows to dominate them. For many, they turn against us as if we were the enemy and embark on a vindictive punishing journey.....punishing US for their unhappiness.
As bworl said, I cannot believe that our entire marriage was bad...'a lie'....etc. I CAN believe that I brought home a disk with a virus....set to erase our marital harddrive........
M4F
PS...FIB's STBXW continues with intimidation. He was watching TV last night with both kids since he hadn't seen them all day. His W literally 'plopped' down on the couch and 'roped off' D4 and began talking to them while they were watching a movie. She went out with D4 later and FIB put S7 to sleep then crashed in the MBR. When he awoke, his STBXW had, again, gotten into her side of the bed and was not wearing PJ bottoms. Anger internalized. No more in the MBR.
