Hello all. My original newcomer thread is here: Was kicking her ou a 180 or a mistake? I was hoping to get some new POVs on the situation in this forum.
Really quickly I'll repost some of my entries.
Quote:
Originally Posted 4/23/08
Hello everyone,
I'm so glad I found this board. I'll try to keep this short because I know reading these takes so much time. I appreciate your help.
I've been with my WAW for almost 7 years (since college) and we felt essentially married. We were actually married last September. After 6 months, (March 1) her coworker turned into a PA. I was suspicious on day-one when she lied about a date. It was confirmed for me when our "bedroom aides" (haha) conspicuously disappeared a few days later. We hadn't had sex in about a year, which I foolishly attributed to 7-year-complacency. I figured it was a phase.
When I learned the truth I exploded and freaked and cried and pleaded and bought gifts. I even said "look how I'm changing!" (oops) Then I started doing a 180. She was staying at his place 3 or 4 nights a week. Texting him until 3:00 am when she was home. Bought a new fancy phone to text him the rest of the time.
Then I learned (spying) that there was a different PA the summer before the wedding. I gave up! I "knew" it couldn't work. Took off my ring. Told my immediate family. I ate the cost of my ticket to Hawaii and let her go on our vacation by herself. (Planning for months!) While she was gone, I packed all her clothes and necessities and dropped them in OM's office. I was calm, but it is a small company so I effectively outed them to the whole company. That night on the phone with her, having given up 180-ing and given up hope, I resorted to R talk and anger. (i.e. major backslide) They are now both super pissed!
Last night she came in angry to get a few things I forgot to pack. I was so thorough, though, that she seemed to be making up things to take. (I can't imagine he doesn't have an alarm clock. There is nothing she needs out of storage...) Was she checking in on me? I was happy that, even though she caught me off guard when she showed up unannounced, I was in full "as-if" mode and was quiet, kind, offered to be helpful, but otherwise kept to doing dishes.
I am now determined to 180, to GAL (i've been crazy busy! going out tonight), to be kind and understanding. I know that I can only affect me. My question for you is: Was it a mistake to kick her out? Did I push us to this place too soon? I know to be patient (now I know it) and give it months, but I worry that I've shot myself in the foot and completely wasted all out potential together time. Will there be opportunities for her to see the (still growing) new me?
2 or 3 times last month she threatened to move out and I got scared and pleaded! I can kinda justify my action in that kicking her out really is 180 degrees away from that. I love her and we have gotten through some of the most awful painful and scary situations together. I realize now that this is what the "or for worse" part means.
I ordered the books. Should show up tomorrow and I'm reading them this weekend. I'm actually feeling pretty good!
Anyway, sorry that was so long. Thanks in advance for your time!