Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

ugh. Just when I started to feel better, my H sent me an email saying he hoped we could talk tonight about next steps (in our S), how I'm picturing things, etc. We had talked a while ago about renovating our third floor back into a rentable apt before he started paying rent somewhere else.

Every time he mentions talking about this, I freeze up or flip out. I really don't want to participate in helping him think things through because I am not onboard at all and I am still in disbelief that he really wants to go through with it. It's like if the Pope started trying to convince the world he's an atheist. I can't really believe it.

So, do I participate in these talks or just listen and say nothing? Just telling the girls we're re-instating the 3rd floor apt is hard to imagine--since we just finished renovating so we could use the 3rd floor and give them their own rooms. That alone is going to be a blow, seriously. But I want H to be here to make the renovation happen before he leaves and we need that income guaranteed before he can add to our monthly expenses--which are already overwhelming.

I am still so furious that he initially said he was open to any kind of MC, that he was fully committed to working on our R with me--but then in actuality all he could say was he couldn't do any of that because he can't change his feelings. I feel like washing my hands of his plans to move in the same way. I can't change my feelings either. What he is doing is so hurtful to me and to the kids that I simply can't participate.

So, do I listen, respond, what? I know I should appreciate that he wants to know my vision of our S, but that alone makes my blood boil. He's been such an a-hole, treated me so terribly and yet he also wants to be thoughtful. GAG. I know he cares about our kids a lot, as do I--and for me that means stalling on his plans to S (which they know nothing about).