this is maryangela Third thread -- he's gone

[NikB]

not db'ing -- "don't you know that we have built a life here? what about your daughter?" that kind of jazz.

db'ing -- either saying nothing or just agreeing him and letting it go. looking great, being kind to him when I speak, etc.

Thanks Mary - that helps clarify.

I just wanted to mention that in my experience, if you're alternating back and forth, while YOU may think you're doing well on the "DB'ing" part, you may as well be begging, pleading, pursuing, and NOT "DB'ing" as far as your H is concerned. Every "not DB" comment couteracts dozens if not hundreds of successful "DBing" times. I hope that makes sense.

I explained it on another thread as basically a chase. Picture you and your H standing on a road. Every non-DB comment sends him either walking or running further away. Right now, your positive DB'ing times are getting him to either slow down, or stop moving away from you. Eventually hopefully he'll head back towards you, but not right now. Right now your goal is to act in a way that slows or stops the running.

Using this analogy I hope it's easier to see WHY those non-DB comments are so destructive. Every single time, it will make him move further away. If you chase him too far, he won't even be able to see those positives anymore, not to mention there will be that much further to go to move back to you.

I will be out of town the next few days and not sure if I'll have internet access but I'll be thinking of you. Stay strong!