Positive thing - W seems more willing to talk to me recently - but it is hard for me not too look stiff in the conversation - I try hard but she knows me too well and she sees I am somehow uncomfortable - Today I told her I am probably going to have a tattoo done (another 180) - besides let my hair grow long. I got a WHAT?? but not much else. She actually doesn't care - I hope I am going to have the courage for the damn tattoo - I don't what what to draw on myself - I'll see a bit around.... maybe a dramatic bleeding heart (I am joking here). The negative.... she asked me AGAIN to keep the kids overnight Saturday night, so she can spend the whole night with OM, the reason is "she never did and she needs to see how it is..." whatever - I said forget it. She said I have no reason not to help her - blah blah blah - I stayed calm, I said I am sorry, I understand - but I cannot do it. Yesterday before going to sleep I imagined how it would be if she expressed the willingness to come back with me - I felt so much rage and sadness, knowing that anyway this thing is going to turn is never going to be the "perfect" relation it use to be. It is stained by the affair. There would be sooooo much work to do on both sides.... very sad....
