My story

[hopeful4her]

As they say, we cannot control them, we can only control ourselves. Work on ourselves to be the best person that we can. For us and our kids. You are in a hard sitch, but I still believe in miracles. I believe that things happen for a reason. And I believe that it will happen in Gods time. The problem is that we want it to happen in our time.

[rop]

Positive thing - W seems more willing to talk to me recently - but it is hard for me not too look stiff in the conversation - I try hard but she knows me too well and she sees I am somehow uncomfortable - Today I told her I am probably going to have a tattoo done (another 180) - besides let my hair grow long. I got a WHAT?? but not much else. She actually doesn't care - I hope I am going to have the courage for the damn tattoo - I don't what what to draw on myself - I'll see a bit around.... maybe a dramatic bleeding heart (I am joking here). The negative.... she asked me AGAIN to keep the kids overnight Saturday night, so she can spend the whole night with OM, the reason is "she never did and she needs to see how it is..." whatever - I said forget it. She said I have no reason not to help her - blah blah blah - I stayed calm, I said I am sorry, I understand - but I cannot do it.
Yesterday before going to sleep I imagined how it would be if she expressed the willingness to come back with me - I felt so much rage and sadness, knowing that anyway this thing is going to turn is never going to be the "perfect" relation it use to be. It is stained by the affair. There would be sooooo much work to do on both sides.... very sad....

[hopeful4her]

Sorry to hear this. Does really express to you that it is specifically to spend the night with the OM? If it is, I find that incredible. I'm not sure how I would react. Probably the same as you. Hang in there.

[rop]

Yes h4h, she said our M is over and now she is going to try with this guy - and she wants to spend the night with him - she said is not about the sex - is about seeing how it is "being together" - My C said she is doing this to numb her feelings from the INCREDIBLE and irresponsible things she is doing to her family - unfortunately for her, those feelings are going to come back soon and 10 times stronger because of the extra damage she is creating. I don't think I am going to be there for her at that point.
What is shocking me is how relaxed she seems to be about this - she often says - what do you expect that I was going to be single forever? - She tells me that she "looked around" at work, she found somebody available and now she is going to try with this guy - BUT LOVE IS NOT LIKE GOING TO THE GROCERY!!!! It doesn't work this way. You cannot just look around and pick a guy "random", and I don't even think it is what happened anyway. I don't know what to believe - it seems to me she has been abducted by aliens - it is the most rational explanation. Now anyway I'll try not to think about it - I am going in self-preservation mode.

[rop]

I sent her an email saying I don't want to talk to her anymore and I am not going to answer the phone anymore if she calls - if there is something about the kids she wants to discuss she can leave a message or send an emails.

She answered: "fine"

I rest my case.

[rop]

I was so upset about her "indecent" request, that I wrote the "I don't want to see/hear you anymore" email - I have to say that maybe I have been stupid - seeing she is not trying to contact me back, in any way, puts me in a VERY uncomfortable position - now I think - HEY SHE DOESN'T CARE!! AT ALL!! - I feel like to write her again - I canceled the outgoing email 3 times already - I don't know what is the right thing to do. I feel very weak - OK it has been only 24 hours - maybe I should wait more... maybe a week?
Maybe I should try to put the mind at rest in some way - it is so hard to give up on her, even if a part of me thinks she is not worth it, but another part of me is pleading her to show me that she actually is.
Desperate an lonely right now - venting here.

[CBK]

ROP,

Remember, whats done is done. In many ways, you just went dark if I understand the meaning. As many people say, as long as there is OM in picture, it is very difficult to work on anything except things for you. GAL, 180, etc. (I am horrible at all of this right now).

Hold on to your thoughts, think good things, think of the icky bandaid story.

I work in San Jose and live in the tri-valley area. We should figure out how to have a beer some day - not that misery loves company, but if you are like me, don't have a lot of folks I really want to share my story with - good support, but they have no idea what I am going through and the ones that know the entire story say "walk away" - they don't know why I am DB'ing and should be talking to L.

So... as for the letter, it is sent. If you go back, you are pursuing. I would give it time. Do what is best for you and the kids - that is your TOP priority.

Be well.

CBK

[hopeful4her]

I agree. Don't contact at this point. No use. Just take care of yourself the best you can. Find something. Anything to make yourself a better person. Not for her, but for you and your kids.

[rop]

cbk, I am definitely up for a beer, there are some nice breweries in this area.... is part of GAL! Let's go out and have a beer! Maybe we can even organize a little group of people in the bay area. I think is a capital idea.

[CBK]

ROP - I work close to the airport - but can really go anywhere. I see a lot of Nor Cal on the board. We could easily meet just about any night, just let me know when and where. Wednesday and Thursday are tough days for me as I usually schedule my C then.

Let's figure this out.

CBK