My cat lady has fallen off the face of the earth. I need someone that can administer fluids b/c Antigone needs fluids everyday. So I need to shorten my trip and ask my brother to take Antigone to the vet for fluids.
Also, you may find that one of the vet techs may do petsitting as a side business. Some will even stay at your house, if you're comfortable with that. Ask your vet for referrals too - they usually know who is in the area.
Writing things down, the lists, help me to move on with goals and thoughts. Otherwise, they are like a hamster on a wheel in my head.
I need to write things down so I can get it out of my head. Otherwise they are like a hamster on a wheel in my head too!
And things aren't real for me till it is on a list. This whole P thing - has been a peripheral amorphous thing on the side... If I want a P in my life - I need to define what I want more tangibly. I need to make it a goal - or I will not be receptive to it. And SuperDad was right - I will always find "other" things to keep me busy.
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A day can make so much difference. My wish list from yesterday - first time I put that out there - has already started taking a different form.
Your list gave me the courage to add a P to my list. I haven't gone back to look at it again - this is one scary list. I have avoided P goals with a vengence these past 5 years.
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Sometimes I wonder if I know myself at all. Or maybe it's the environment that shifts, so I adapt. Yeah, that's the ticket.
You come across as having a strong core personality when I read your posts. The other stuff is suppose to shift and adapt - isn't it?
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Your writing strikes me as being so easy for you. The thoughts just flow, cohesive. It would take me hours to write what you put out in minutes.
I see your posts as very to the point and so organized. You can see the wisdom immediately.
Every word I write off the BB is written with a view that it may be litigated someday. It is exhausting for me. I write concise - to the point - stuff in the real word. Not a single extra word. No emotion. It is all written with a very specific purpose.
Here I rarely edit or correct. I just free flow whatever is in my head - unfiltered. I feel like I am rambling w/o focus. I write to get it out of my head so I can move on in my real life.
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Verbalizing is much easier for me.
It is the opposite for me. I am a good public speaker - but I approach speaking like you approach writing.
You have a gift if you can speak your thoughts w/o requiring editing. That is a good thing in R's. I feel like I have to edit so much - that I end up saying nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing...
Maybe software to transcribe your words while you journal may work for you. I understand some of those programs have come a long way.
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What am I babbling about??
I don't think you are babbling. It was all very too the point.
Now I am getting a little worried about my cat lady. She had lost her father a couple of years ago and was little confused about what she wanted to do with her life. She was trying to decide on whether to spend her inhertitance on school or a downpayment on a house.
She use to be a receptionist at the vets. We talked a number of times on the phone while she sorted through her thoughts. She is a bright young lady - just needed to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. She decided to pursue nursing. She was so nervous applying for a job at a local hospital with a lot of applicants. I was so happy for her when she got a job and was looking into nursing schools.
She was a little down the last time we talked - job was harder than she expected. She wasn't available to take care of my cats - sounded very overwhelmed.
I meant to follow up - as usual - I got busy with work... Her cell is disconnected and no replies to email.
I am going to send her an email asking her if she is free for lunch. I have this bad feeling and need to have it disproved...
Life isn't easy for young people these days... especially if you do not have a job that enables you to make ends meet...
The vacation was good ! It was hot every day ! No snow ! :-) and we had fun.
The FL Keys are an interesting place. If you're big on fishing and snorkling it's a great place. Not much else to do there.
We had free waterfront (Gulf side) accomodation which was the highlight of the trip. It was thru a friend of a friend on ISLAMORADA. The owner sold his business in 2003 for 74 million. Naturally the house was spectacular - 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, 2 elevators, gym, about 3 acres of gardens, a 45ft fishing boat. Plus he left his car for us to use. Very very nice.
Key West was a bit of a disappointment. Way too much hustle and bustle. A 7 month pregnant girl invited Ellie and I to go upstairs and see the "girls". Sloppy Joe's was jammed with people. A 20 minute swim with the dophins was $175. I sure hope the dolphins see the majority of those funds. :-)))
I use to gaze at the trees and shrubs looking for signs of life when I use take the train as a part of my commute downtown. So very relaxing and pretty when spring finally arrives after the long winter!
My list... I made it and ran away from it! I feel like I paid lip service to that goal... We'll see - it is a start.
The Future P.... Everytime I open this part of my brain - I start thinking about my M and feel an overwhelming urge to bolt from this goal.
I posted about CB - and that experience certainly did not deter me from pursuing professional goals. Okay I did the 3 year escape to law school in Vermont - but I came back.
The X... My brain knows that The X was in a category by himself. My brain knows that there are a lot of men out there that are Non-The X men. But in my gut - I can't get past those 5 miserable years of M. I can get past how effectively he controlled me.
Since I've finished the list, memories of how The X successfully controlled every part of my life emerge.
For example, The X was a very picky eater. So I adaptd my cooking - my family was surprised at how much I adapted... Not that big a deal - I mean if you simply can't eat certain foods b/c they make you gag - well that's that....
Then the next step... He was also paranoid about what people thought of him being a picky eater - so we started declining dinner invitations from my friends b/c he would get depressed if they cooked something he didn't like - and he wasn't able to eat it and other people noticed that he was not eating.
And all this was about control b/c whenever he moved out and said he wanted a D - I would start cooking all the things he didn't eat that I missed. He would return and "suddenly" decide that the food that I had been eating, for example chicken, was now his "favorite" food! It would swing from one extreme to another!
And of course he routinely changed his mind about what he ate. Sometimes he at shrimp - other times not. And I would find out - AFTER I finished cooking.
And at that time, fast food and frozen food was not that common in Germany. The X used his being German as a foundation for saying that he - didn't eat fast food. He didn't eat frozen food. He didn't eat leftovers. So Ms. Idiot here (that would be me) worked 60-70 hour weeks, came home and cooked entire balanced meals from scratch every single day!!! And his highness did the dishes.
This is just one example - there are so many more examples of subtle gradually escalating very effective control techniques he used on me.
And as I think of these memories, I find myself thinking is it fair that I will react to the next P as if they were The X - when they really may be nothing like The X.
And of course - I also start to feel increasingly claustrophobic at the thought of living my life the way I lived it when I was M.
I did start setting appropriate boundaries towards the end of my M - that is why The X left. And I find myself thinking - I know how to set the boundaries for X-like behavior - BUT it was exhausting! And how I simply cannot do this again... I do not have the energy to do what I need to do to "survive" in a M with a X-like person....
I know the key is not ending up with an X-like person. And I have done the work to ensure I will not end up with a person like that. BUT those are the emotional reactions I have at the thought of an R with a P. My head gets it - but my gut cannot comprehend that an R with a P can be different than what it was with The X...
And so I have made the list. I have done the work to where I can see and identify X-like people a mile away. I have practiced and proven to myself I can identify X-like people. But when it comes down to it - deep down inside I don't believe that all men are not like The X!!!! This really is very very annoying!!!! Why on earth will my gut not get what the head knows is right!! This is one of those times that the gut is wrong!
