M - I'm interested in your last response. Is snooping not one of thos things we shouldn't be doing ?
I posted re a comment by GL on another thread just now re how you are supposed to find out exactly where you are and whats going on if the only way is to go against everything that this forum and DR preaches. It's very confusing.
Like you, people keep saying my W is having an A, which I think is impossible so far. She may have had a One Night Stand, she may have had a couple, or she may be having a textual affair, but I'm pretty certain no serious R with OM (as yet).
A, I'm like Ping, my sitch is similiar. I was an ass. I acted unhappy, I said and did things i should not have. I have taken responsibility for it all, said I was sorry and have changed and continue to change. If DB principles are correct and work, then shouldn't I see my W changing?
What's the one thing that might make her not change?? A new realationship..You know how you feel when you have a new relationship?? You are happy...there's an old saying, "you are fat and happy". You know how you are when you are unhappy & stressed?? You're dropping weight like a madman...One thing I question about my W..if she's unhappy, if she's stressed in all this then why is she not losing weight like me??
Now having said all that as far as snooping goes in my sitch. I noticed last fall that my W was distant. I also noticed that after I put WiFi in our home that my W suddenly started acting different with her work Laptop. She would sit beside me and do her work but always keep the computer sheilded just slightly. This made me worry a bit. So I started watching what was going on around me. She has done little things that bother me. SHE took all the pictures of me out of her work office. Now why would she do that?? 1. she's tired of seeing my ugly face. 2. someone is coming to see her and they are tired of seeing my ugly face. 3. everythime she looks up and sees my pic then it reminds her of the D and adds stress so she took my pics down.
I have watched my home phone, I have seen her cell, there is no email trail, there is no website trail.
it is not impossible that our M's are not having affairs. Mine very well could be and if I get proof then we are done. IMO that is UNFORGIVABLE. If we think that it is not a possibility then we are fools.
My W has done little things that make me wonder. 1. Took my pictures down. 2. sheilded her work laptop. 3 dumping the internet and browsing history on our home computer. 4. Why not work with me on our M?? I know why she resents me but why take a chance on losing your dream home, losing a D half the time?? No abuse in our M at all so why take a chance and lose everything you have?? 5. She moved money from a bank account that contained our Tax refund, why do this and not tell me?? She took 1/2 by the way.
There are other things that tell me that she is not. 1. If she was then you would think she would be taking better care of herself. 2. There are no new clothes or undies. 3. No cell phone calls at odd times. 4. She has been where she said she would be. 5. There are no men that work at her office. Does not mean that someone may not be coming by though. 6. Time factor--she is where she always says she is-a very strict schedule that she follows.
D Papers have been filed and answered on my end. I must protect myself if this is heading for a D. if it means snooping, then it means snooping..DB principles or not.
Am I really going to be any more crushed or disappointed than I already am if i find out there's another man..NO. You have to protect yourself, this is something that could effect every decision that I make from here on out, hopefully for the better.
That's my take on snooping. Now let the 2x4's rain upon my head if my fellow posters disagree. Your opinions are welcomed and you have a right to them. But I will protect myself through this.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/25/0812:31 PM.
