H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[Evie]

I haven't posted for a few days, I haven't known what to say really and just when I start to feel ok, I get an email this morning from H entitled 'us' and he says he wants to meet next week regarding the house etc but nothing to worry about....

I txted him and said could he indicate what it was about, could he stop been so unspecific.

It appears he has seen a solicitor and things have to be done a certain way and he wants to discuss things.

I have my daughter back from France today and I was in a good place and now this - wham.

I need to climb back out of the well and get back my PMA and stop letting him get to me. I know this is a process and it won't last forever.

I haven't been back to my soilicitor yet, i wanted to be sure of what i wanted and when i go back i wanted a to be clear about what i wanted and to be honest that changes daily.

I have agreed to sell the house, I can't afford to run it and I need to be able to move on - and I don't believe he will come back.

The A is still going on i'm sure, H is already divorced in his mind and he just wants to be free from me and the kids to live his single mans life.

I have agreed to continue in business, how long i'll do it for i don't know. It will provide a second income in the long run. But should i make that break too?

At the moment H has freed up some of his cash to enable him to pay for his place. The business seems to be paying his share of the mortgage. I know this seems unfair but the way i look at it is for now i get the mortgage paid for and i get my car loan, aol and land line and mobile paid for and H has agreed to do all the jobs in the house to get it marketable. H has now decided to not go Ltd for the time been as it would be too inflexible. I have accused H of being impetous and chaning his mind at will. I have said i don't like been controlled like this, but he thinks he isn't controlling. I think he has been more controlling for much longer than i care to admit.

Some days i'm happy with this, other days i just want the solicitor to sort out a deal for me. If i took this option i get a fight on my hands with H and i really don't want to go through that again, i'm not that strong.

As to mine and the children's welfare thats another story. The boys have been playing me up, if my attention is distracted for any length of time that start to play up ie the other day they had a food fight.

I had to contact h the other morning as i was running late for work and S2 was having a major melt down. I'll try and shorten the mornings proceedings, but i basically said too h that he needed to take more responsibility that the boys needed consistency, structure and rountine and where h was concerned they weren't getting it - totally un DB i know, but i was desparate. H blamed s'2 behaviour on nursery and the children he was mixing with, he disagreed it had anything to do with us!!! I said we have to accept responsibilty for their behaviour and whilst in part nursery had some issues, i was dealing with major backlash from the kids regarding this latest upset. H has listened and taken note and we have taken the step on withdrawing S2 from current nursery and taken him back to his previous nursery where they seem to have sounder discipline and rountine in place. We moved him last september for logistic reasons and at the time it was the right thing to do.

I'm taking D2 to the Drs today and i'm arranging some C for her as she seems to be struggling with anger issues as well as emotional stuff and is struggling with school too.

PS since writing the above H has called me. He has been to see a solicitor who by his own admission is young, hot headed and aggressive and he won't be using her again.

He tends to act in a knee jerk reactive way. He was realying advice that of course i knew from my solictor, about how vulnerable we both are and what x,y, z we need to do. I said i knew it from my s but wasn't going to keep wasting time and money until i had a concrete plan to go to her with to get the legal docs sorted. He's rushing around again like a chicken with its head cut off.....My s had said that the D will be the last thing that is agreed. H said his s was talking about seperation agreements and/or D. I said to H that D wasn't what i wanted. He said we can go for a S of 2 years then.

Sorry it's so long, seems to be a vent and a bit of journaling.