Ok, Puppy, I guess I knew I had to do those firewalling techniques, but I was truly making sure that I wasn't going to have repurcussions. I think you are right that it will help for me to not GET the messages at all. YOu know, as I am thinking about following through, I am realizind that you must be right that it is "b.s." because I'm having a hard time doing it. It must be my Plan B or I must like getting the messages or something.
I'm sure this is hard for those of you that had your spouse do to you what I did to mine...and then try to offer ME advice without wanting to berate me. But, I appreciate hearing from you. You are right, Sandycay, I should be more worried about my husband and how he would feel if he knew I heard a love message from the OM even though I didn't respond. I guess I was thinking how I was doing the right thing, and not responding but not thinking how he would feel about me hearing something from the OM. Ok, I am certain that I will get rid of the ways of him contacting me because I see how it is not good.
I appreciate your words, Jeff. My whole marriage I have dealt with my H's lack of emotion, We went to counseling, I told him what I needed over and over and he didn't DO anything. He said, honestly, he would NEVER had done anything if I hadn't had this affair. He said it is sad, but that is what it took for him to start being more than a robot. I will give this time. I want it to work. I want us to be happy. I will take your advice about making memories together and enjoying the differences. I'm so sorry you are in such pain yourself. My advice to you, without knowing your whole story is, if she is anything like me, she will be ready to reconcile when she sees life with you will be different than before, better. Allow her to see how it will be in small ways. Let her see how happy you are, and strong, and masculine. She will soon realize she has been an idiot, like I have.
As usual, Sara, you say exactly the words I need to hear. Retrouvaille can't come soon enough!
