enjoying my picnic II !

[transformer]

Beth,

are you serious??!!!!!! you are close to chatham???? !!! That would make me so happy! It would be like... worlds colliding!!! I dunno if you would be interested, obviously this is planning *way* ahead, but I might be doing a pretty hot performance and you are totally invited Hopefully it will rock

I am going to check out that website. I am ALL about wellness!!!!


((((BETH)))

[transformer]

Teacherman!

Oh my gosh!!! A LURKER!!!! I always wondered if anyone was reading and not posting. I feel so excited now that you have revelead yourself!!! It is very nice to *meet* you!

Thank you for the book suggestion. I will put that on the list!! I am not in an M, just trying to DB my R, but a lot of the same tools work for both

And you checked out the vegetable orchestra? Yay!! i couldn't believe how serious they were!

I will check out your thread now!

take care,
T

[transformer]

OK GUYS.

This is what I am thinking now.
After 2 weeks (next week) send him something, going along with K/OD/A's ideas. Then, wait a week, and if he doesn't contact me, I will call him. *possibly* mention during that conv. that I am going to be in the NYC area soon. *POSSIBLY*, or wait for another conv. What do you think?

I had a mini breathrough in my bathroom. Thinking, oh, should I send him this, should I send him that... and I realized... IT DOESN"T MATTER. It just matters that I am trying something different and monitoring results! At least it doesn't matter as much as I used to think it would. It is not going to make or break anything. Wow. I feel like I am really in a different place now. I am thinking... an ethiopian jazz mp3, or maybe the make-your-own-beer-instructions, possibly in electronic form.

Today was a *mixed bag*. I practiced for 3 hours, which is *good*, I am feeling back on track. I had a good conversation with my teacher about long-term planning for the summer and what I'll be performing next week for my "jury" (when I play for faculty and they give me comments). I have been totally procrastinating on planning for my jury, which I feel retarded about. But I did tell my teacher I felt like I hadn't been making the best use of my time this semester, and I feel not good about that, and I need to re-energize. And it was good to talk about it with her.

Then on the spur of the moment I decided to perform with a pianist the piece I am playing next week for the jury, in front of the other cellists, for practice. But I had never played most of it in front of anyone, even my teacher, and I hadn't rehearsed it with the pianist either. So it did not go well. And then I went into a practice room and cried while I ate my soup.

But I realized something really important. I turned to my friends for reassurance, and honestly, it's the end of the semester, everyone is exhausted, and 2 out of the three I turned to weren't up for it. I realized: I need to learn to reassure myself. And I tried to take my own advice, "hello, my little sadness, I will take care of you," while i cried and ate my soup.

Then I went to yoga class, and I was expecting it would make me feel stellar, but then we were doing headstand at the wall and I got really scared and frustrated (even though I totally can do headstand) and just sat there for a while, staring at the wall, trying to FEEL my feelings. usually yoga dispells that stuff, today it brought it up. I think I may be PMS-ING>>>>!!

But, you know.... Progress.... learning... EVOLUTION.... TRANSFORMATION!!!!!

and the search for high heels continues

(((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))))
TRANSFORMER

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((T))))))

I think your plan is about right, but I will think some more about the details. I like your realization that you might be overthinking a bit!

Mostly, I wanted to stop by and give you a hug!