Wow, I really feel for you and your son. What a mess. My situation is a walk in the park compared to yours, so I commend you for being strong for yourself and your son. That is exactly where to focus right now. What does it matter where her anger comes from? What matters is her anger, and it's her issue to deal with. You can't fix it for her. Either she will fix it herself, at some point (you don't know when), or she won't. You will decide how long you are willing to wait, but that anger is her stuff to own. It only concerns you if she continues to abuse your son or attack you. Detach even more. You are doing well; keep it up and keep asking what you need to learn from this.
I really wish i could fix her but it ain't going to happen. I do honestly still love and care for her very much. The letter from her step-mother in law, who she hated so much until a few years ago, was the last step. She use to tell me how much she hated her until just resently but now she is her number 1 coach and confidad. She almost killer W's brother with her coaching now she is working on coaching W. If it were not for me we would never have spent so much time with them, I was the one that loved them so much and wanted to spend so much time with them bc I enjoyed their company, more my father in-law then anyone. Now unfortunitly the cards will turn. I feel so bad.
Had a great time tonight with a buddy from Hong Kong. Great meal conversation and insights into what makes people happy.
Things are getting really messed up now. S12 would not get out of bed this morning so W tried to drag him out by his nose, ears and cheek. He said she kicked him in the nuts. There was blood inside his nose. He is really upset and says he hates his Mom.
I don't understand why you would want to be in a relationship with someone who:
lies about you cheats on you. Loves to fight. Beats your kid.
WHY?
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
I agree; we have all been there. Think of your son. Do what is best for him.
Nutty
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Good for you; take the steps you need to protect yourself and your son. It's easy to slip back into thinking about the past; did a bit of that myself today, but not too much. But in the end all we have is right now. And right now, she looks to be someone you probably don't want to be with. We have to keep telling ourselves to look at what is, not what was or what we hope might be. We can wait to see if they come around, but at some point we can't wait any longer. That will differ for each person, and only the person dealing with the situation knows when that moment has arrived.
No offense Nutty, But you are obviously a little clueless as to what MLC'ers are capable of.
MLC or not, anyone that abused my son would be out of the door in a shot.
NUTTY.
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
I honestly do not believe that MLC'ers have a clue as to half of their actions.
Yes, certain boundaries need to be enforced if there is abuse, I totally agree.
But your response was about wanting to know why anyone would want a spouse who lies, cheats or loves to fight.
Aren't you here to save your Marriage from someone with these issues too?
As for the child abuse, I doubt very much that she is characterised by being an abuser, she made one stupid mistake, it was wrong but she is not an abuser.
IF she was, then BT would never have tolerated it.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
