Doing quality work has resulted me in getting too much work. I am playing a dual role of management and grunt work for other managers. I need to let the grunt work go and have enough faith to learn to rely on the management stuff. Fear of not moving to the next level is holding me back... My first boss told me on my very first day at work that the hardest part of moving up was letting go of doing the actual engineering work...
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I sometimes confuse "pleasing" with compassion when it comes to Ellie. I hope shboth of you never stop being compassionate. ...
I knew you would make my brain hurt!!!
I think the fiscally conservative part of me cannot abide waste - and the compassionate part of me cannot abide the myopic treatment of the workforce as a disposable commodity. Especiallly when this myopic vision leads to fiscal waste.
The people pleasing comes into play - when I take on too much and feel like I let someone that is depending on me down...by not accommodating some ridiculous unreasonable schedule.
I drove around for an hour thinking about companies like Southwest Airlines and Trader Joes.
I have made so work related goals. They are more like guidelines than absolute goals which allows for flexibility.
(i) Another outside counsel does the same managment work I do. He is 20+ years my senior and close to retirement. I want his work when he retires. That will double my management workload.
(ii) My boss is also 20+ years my senior. I am open to a job offer from humongo client - but only if it is at my boss' level. And if humongo client offers the perks that use to be guaranteed with that position. A slot will open up when he retires. (This would involve a reduction in income - but open the door to a different kind of career challenge...)
(iii) I will no longer take on patent drafting work unless someone is willing to pay a premium rate for me to do it myself.
(iv) I will approach European companies for business.
(v) I want to be in a position to hire my assistant by the end of the year.
(vi) I want to be in a position to hire a technical assistant or patent agent by the end of the year to do grunt work. Patent attorneys are too expensive.
(vii) I will consider forming a synergistic R with a patent firm in India. There is idealism - then there is reality. Reality trumps idealism. Just b/c I lean liberal and love my trees/shrubies does not mean I am an fool when it comes to business.
As I get higher paying work - I will drop the lower paying clients.
I want to streamline my workload. I want my life back. I want time for a family. I want time to stress about personal R's. I want to be physically fit again. And yes - I want financial security too. I like my lifestyle and want the means to maintain it.
I allowed my work to dictate my life. I am going to turn it around. I want my life choices to dictate my work choices.
Now it is time to get the last of the grunt work off my desk. There are people depending on me. This isn't about people pleasing - it is about doing my job.
(i) Adoption will happen when it does. Outside of my control. The adoption agency I called has not called back. Seems like the people that run these places pay lip service to being a do gooder but lack the commitment to do their jobs. Just something I am going to have to deal with - no way around it
(ii) Biological - that one is a tough one. My mother is bringing back info on fertility clinics from India. They are all American educated doctors and the service is better and cheaper. We'll see if I am insane enough to think I can handle a pregnancy on top of an out of control life... Although I did start my firm and attracted clients while managing out of control mood stuff on fertility drugs! LOL!
(iii) Get A LIFE. I need to get involved in activities where I SEE humans face to face. I need to pick two things - preferably one of them is a charitable foundation of some sort.
(iv) I need to get back in shape. I use to work downtown - ran to the train, walked all over the city. Now that I sit on my butt all day - I am a jiggly thingy. Need to get back in shape.
(v) Potential P R's... Can I skip this one.... Okay - need to make it a goal otherwise I will always find something else to avoid this one... What do I want...
> Mutually compatible boundary setting. I need to be able to set boundaries and say NO w/o the other person putting the R on the line. And I need to recognize that the other person will set boundaries and sigh....(even though I am always right ) I will not always get my way. I am going to have to (gulp) compromise...
> Need to lose the nonsense about a P living in the basement or next door. If I cannot talk about a P with respect - I will not have the mindset to treat one with respect.
> I am not interested in being joined at the hip. I have my own interests and life (or will as soon as I accomplish aforementioned goal of getting a life ) And I need him to have his own. I do not have a problem with him playing golf or going out with his buddies - in fact I think it is essential to have some time away from a P w/in reason in order to have a healthy R.
> I am I suppose an elitist. And I need a fellow elitist. I like good wine, good food, great vacations in interesting places. I like the good life. I like multicultural - open minded - and not affiliated with any organized religion. Or if he is - that is going to have to fall into the category of things he does during "his away from P" time. He is going to have to accept that while I am spiritual - I am extremely allergic to organized religion. Quite frankly I do not see that as working out...
> I am a very astute business woman BUT I am and always will be socially liberal. No homophobes. No hunters (other than my cats). No guns in my house. I live in one of the lowest crime area with a very visible and very significant police presence. I have a comprehensive alarm system. I pay extra so that my electricity comes from renewable sources. And I rescue wasps, spiders, mice and set them free (even though I am afraid of them and squealing as I set them free). Zero tolerance for racial profiling in my household. That would not work b/c since 9/11 I now fit the profile of what a terrorist looks like by virtue of my race and skin color. He probably wouldn't get much sleep living in the same house as me anyway. And who wants a P that think you and your family members look like terrorists.
> I like physically fit men. And attractive is usually closely tied to physically fit. I will be physically fit again myself (as soon as I fulfil goal above ). There has to be chemistry. And I have to find him attractive.
> I want a professionally successful career person. He needs to be happy with what he has achieved as a professional. We are NOT going to compete. And he needs to be financially able to take care of himself. While we will join finances - I am not looking for a financial provider and I do not want someone that is looking for someone to provide for them. And there will be a pre-nup - regardless of who makes more.
> He needs to accept the package deal of me - my future kids - my cats. I would not date a man that did not require their P to view him - his kids - his pets as being a part of the package.
> Communication... I have no idea. I know I need space when I am upset. I know I need to go hide in a cave when I am upset. Maybe he is just going to have to read the BB b/c this is one of the few places where I actually allow whatever is in my brain to flow freely....or maybe he shouldn't b/c it is too raw and unfiltered at times. I have such a hard time talking about things that bother me. As for him - he is going to have to tell me what he wants. I have no problem with him needing cave time and not sharing every thought in his brain.
> Sex life. I never thought I needed a point on this one...until the that pesky post D R... If he is uncomfortable or ashamed of his own sexuality - that is a huge issue. I am not into joining communes. I enjoy sex. It is fun. It is something that TWO people do (once again that one is b/c of that pesky post D R)- not one person reading silly books and thinking women are mechanical devices where if you push button A - reaction B happens - and ignoring feedback from your P. There has to be room for creativity. It is an activity - not just a marital duty to be performed with the lights off and only after dark.
> Yes, I like romance. But an R cannot be founded on romantic gestures alone. They compliment and sustain an R founded on mutual respect. Romance cannot sustain a dead R. This one is courtesy of The X. He loved romantic gestures. But that is all they were - gestures - the talk w/o the walk... Dozens of roses, grandiose over the top gestures of romance are not a substitute for a lack of respect for your P.
> I work with lots of men. I have lots of male friends. He is going to have to trust me to be faithful. Honestly if I was in any way inclined to sleep with these men - would I be approaching FIVE years of celibacy!!! And I will trust him. I have never checked mail or phone bills - never even knew The X's address when he moved out. Always mailed everything to him unopenned. If I ever openned anything addressed to him that was not a bill by accident - I use to leave it for him so it was clear I had opened it. I don't play games. And I don't snoop. However if someone does cheat on me - there are NO second chances. I will accept no explanations.
> He is going to have to accept that I will not always look the way I do today. I am going to grow old. And I want to do it gracefully. No plastic surgery - no botox - no tummy tucks - lots of wrinkles and lots of parts that will succumb to gravity. I want someone that is okay with the concept that he too will be old someday. And that there is nothing wrong with that.
So there you have it. For the first time in FIVE years, I have made a first draft of a guideline of things I am looking for in a potential P. Will it change - perhaps. Will I forget the list during the initial stages of hormone bliss - perhaps... Will I get clingy and think this is the last person - my last chance at happiness ever during misguided moements of angst - perhaps... Am I going to fight in completely the wrong way at times - probably. Will I be irrational at times - very likely. Will I have moods where nothing the P says will placate me - probably... Will work overwhelm me at times where I am not as emotionally available as I would like to be - probably... I am probably going to be an extremely imperfect P. Afraid that is the best I can do...
Spring seems to be taking forever to get here. But finally, the flowering trees are in bloom. My flowering pear started blooming today.
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I don't have any sort of outdoor flowers or shrubs at my house. Sometimes I miss them but when mowing I don't. lol
Boy can I relate to that one! I have all sorts of curving beds. They were such a pain when I use to mow myself. I finally hired a landscaper to mow last year. Now that I no longer mow - I have been extending curvy beds to my hearts content.
Do your neighbors have flowering thingies for you to enjoy?
I thought I was good at ego stroking, until I read the 5 love languages (after coming to this board). Now if I wonder if I needed to "stroke" in the other person's love language...
Just a thought.
Have you had any success? Is there a difference between love language and flirt language?
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Glad you are enjoying your pursuit of imperfection. It has always been a huge cross for me as well. A superb book is the Spirituality of IMperfection, if you have any free time! As an aside, it is hysterical to me that XH has married a woman who is clearly 10 times the perfectionist that I am/was. I'm gonna just sit back and see how that works for him!
I think I really need to read that book.
If XH has married a super-perfectionist and she imposes that on him - well you have no reason to stick pins in a voodoo doll - sounds like he has stuck pins in his own voodoo doll!
I actually need someone that balances my perfection curse in an R by giving me a safe place to fail and knows how to let it go if I drop the ball sometimes...
I am assuming you mean rich as in Wall Street and rich in words is akin to BS. Blow the horn twice on your ship when you pass my LG stand on your honeymoon.
Do you know where the word honeymoon came from?
You can mary anyone long as your cats approve. However You must ensure they will not be bought off with any genleman caller carrying a can of albocore.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
My seminar/vacation is turning into more work and less vacation...
I have a career guardian angel and a vacation curse hanging over my head.
My cat lady has fallen off the face of the earth. I need someone that can administer fluids b/c Antigone needs fluids everyday. So I need to shorten my trip and ask my brother to take Antigone to the vet for fluids.
My trip is now Tuesday - Friday. I thought I would spend all day Tuesday at NASA. This seminar is sponsored by a national IP organization. The Board is meeting on Tuesday. My friend is on the board and can get me in It is a very nice dinner affair sponsored by this organization at a museum afterwards. It is a phenominal networking opportunity and will be a really nice dinner. And I love after hour museum events! No crowds. I am use to being the only one w/o a spouse or a date - so that is fine.
So now I have a little less time to spend with friends at NASA.
I guess this is good and bad. Dinner at a museum is a social life - right?
Sigh...Does this still count as balancing work and life?
I need formal attire - something like formal yet business appropriate - perhaps silk pantsuit... And new make up. My make up is all almost 3 years old - rarely use make up since I started working from home... I guess this is a good thing - I might actually look human! LOL!
Writing things down, the lists, help me to move on with goals and thoughts. Otherwise, they are like a hamster on a wheel in my head. Same thing for me as the first time I express my thoughts verbally. I'm hearing the words for the first time and it helps me to own them. It's all a work in progress - many things will stay the same, others get tweaked and still others get completely modified.
A day can make so much difference. My wish list from yesterday - first time I put that out there - has already started taking a different form.
Sometimes I wonder if I know myself at all. Or maybe it's the environment that shifts, so I adapt. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Your writing strikes me as being so easy for you. The thoughts just flow, cohesive. It would take me hours to write what you put out in minutes. Amazing. Verbalizing is much easier for me. When I write, I'm backspacing, rewording and overall struggling trying to make sense. You manage to catch the feel/rhythm with your writing while I completely rely on inflection. It's all in the delivery with me...I should have done standup. You'd never know it from the way I write. I think it's because I have too much time to think as I write.
I am assuming you mean rich as in Wall Street and rich in words is akin to BS.
As in greek tycoon - Onasis rich - are there any more of those left?
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Do you know where the word honeymoon came from
Where did the word come from?
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You can mary anyone long as your cats approve. However You must ensure they will not be bought off with any genleman caller carrying a can of albocore.
Do cats like caviar? Perhaps they will have their own personal cat food preparation chef?