I think she's back

[Starshyne]

Well I have been home sick from work today. Running a fevor along with chills and sweats for the past day and a half. It seems like I have been sick more this school year than I ever have been...even before my marriage issues can about.

As for things between H and I...well if I knew for sure that there isn't another OW, then I would say that we are taking steps towards reconciliation. He is telling me where he is going, but I still want more from him. I haven't really had the talk about that. Being sick sort of set me back. He is sending me messages and talking to me daily. I didn't go totally dark, but just a little aloof. I am sort of waiting to see what goes down this weekend. That will determine what I need to do next. The weekends seem to be when he does the behaviors that make me question if there is OW.

If there is, that is going to be the deal breaker for me. That would make the 3rd time he has been with a different woman during our 5 years of marriage. If he went back with the privious OW, I could be a little more understanding, but if he set off to find a new person, I am throwing in the towel. I will move out and leave him to ruin my credit if that is what it takes.

I am really hoping that he is turning a new page in his life and my suspicions are unjustified.

I still would like to know more about transparency and what that looks like. When he says that he is going to the library, how do I know that is where he is the whole time? Stuff like that I really am struggling with. I know that he had a big work day today with a big meeting along with his usual work. He said he had to leave early in the morning. I was surprised to see him gone at 6:30am. I found myself questioning this. Why so early? Would transparency be that he tells me that he will leave at 6:30 and be back at 5:00 (or whatever?).

Sara