Hello, I'm a first time poster, but have been looking to DB for the last 6 months for support because of the pro-marriage solution based approach (I've read SSM and SSW, coaching and read forums/articles).
Sigh. I think there may be a way through my marriage troubles, but I sure can't see it from here. For the most of our relationship and our almost 4 year M, I've been HD. My love language is very much physical. I did bring it the importance of a satisfying love life before getting married and H was totally in agreement (so he said).
For the last three years, I've felt totally rejected and thrown away due to H's lack of interest in me(or lack of expressing it in ways I can understand). We've averaged less than once a month over this time, and in the last couple years, about once a quarter. I could write a book on how this makes me feel, but it's been said by other HDs here. Anyway, over this time period, I've periodiclly (usually every couple of months) asked, begged, shouted, etc for it to get better. I've told H that it has hurt me to the core; even warned him several months ago that I felt I was dangerously close to a breaking point. I know I did everything wrong in my approach and pushed him farther away (I see this now). Thus, intellectually, I can accept my part in causing this rift between us that spills into every aspect of our R.
I hardly even like my H any more. He is the man who has hurt me so much. It doesn't make me feel good to be around him, and the thought of intimacy at this point makes me feel so hurt and angry that there's no way I can deal with it. My body even physically shuts down when he approaches me.
H now wants to work on this, possibly because I've now totally cut off the ML. I haven't done it intentionally; I just can't bear the thought of it, my skin crawls. It feels demeaning and horrible to think of sharing that part of myself anymore with someone who has thrown it away for so long. (of course he says it wasn't like that, and I "shouldn't feel so hurt, besides I contributed to it also")
I have so much raw anger and hurt, and I know I have to get rid of them to have a chance, but I can't seem to actually do it. I don't know how.
Are there actually any HDWs out there who have gotten through this? I want to, but don't know how I can. This is really bitter irony. I wanted a love life with my H for so long and now I can't deal with the thought of it.
Background, my H and I are both very physically active and in shape, have satisfying careers, and hobbies and friends. We have a 21 month old son who is the shared joy of our life. I want to model a good R for him. I love my life, but am so depressed by my M.
I want to stay married, but I think a forever SSM will crush my sprit beyond repair (feels like I'm there already). I read a couple of really sad posts from long time SSW, and they were so sad.
