I think I have done ok with H in last couple of face-to-face - I'm not a perky person, but I smile, make eye contact, and usually find an opening to tease him a little. It doesn't seem to leave him wanting more, though . . .
I'm having a hard time with the whole thing this week. I worked from yesterday afternoon until 10:00 p.m. last night packing his books and personal things that were around the house. I've been thinking about doing it for a long time, and having it hang over my head was really bothering me. There is still some stuff in the office and kitchen to pack up. I want to do this myself b/c I want to decide what stays/goes, I don't want him or whoever he brings with him on moving day to pick through my stuff and I wanted to fill in around the gaps as his things were taken away. To me, this is the visible expression of our lost marriage. It saddens me deeply. I'm not sure why it was important to me to get this done, except that I thought it might lead to a change somehow. It might help me to actually let go if I take physical action that symbolizes letting go.
The only thing that gives me any hope is seeing the success stories and knowing that a sitch can seem hopeless and the M can still revive.
I'm not looking forward to seeing HSBF, which I feel guilty about - but I can't just turn down his overture without feeling even more guilty. I know I can use all the friends I can get now - maybe I'm not such an undesirable person if he can still care about me as a friend after all these years.
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
