(i) Adoption will happen when it does. Outside of my control. The adoption agency I called has not called back. Seems like the people that run these places pay lip service to being a do gooder but lack the commitment to do their jobs. Just something I am going to have to deal with - no way around it
(ii) Biological - that one is a tough one. My mother is bringing back info on fertility clinics from India. They are all American educated doctors and the service is better and cheaper. We'll see if I am insane enough to think I can handle a pregnancy on top of an out of control life... Although I did start my firm and attracted clients while managing out of control mood stuff on fertility drugs! LOL!
(iii) Get A LIFE. I need to get involved in activities where I SEE humans face to face. I need to pick two things - preferably one of them is a charitable foundation of some sort.
(iv) I need to get back in shape. I use to work downtown - ran to the train, walked all over the city. Now that I sit on my butt all day - I am a jiggly thingy. Need to get back in shape.
(v) Potential P R's... Can I skip this one.... Okay - need to make it a goal otherwise I will always find something else to avoid this one... What do I want...
> Mutually compatible boundary setting. I need to be able to set boundaries and say NO w/o the other person putting the R on the line. And I need to recognize that the other person will set boundaries and sigh....(even though I am always right ) I will not always get my way. I am going to have to (gulp) compromise...
> Need to lose the nonsense about a P living in the basement or next door. If I cannot talk about a P with respect - I will not have the mindset to treat one with respect.
> I am not interested in being joined at the hip. I have my own interests and life (or will as soon as I accomplish aforementioned goal of getting a life ) And I need him to have his own. I do not have a problem with him playing golf or going out with his buddies - in fact I think it is essential to have some time away from a P w/in reason in order to have a healthy R.
> I am I suppose an elitist. And I need a fellow elitist. I like good wine, good food, great vacations in interesting places. I like the good life. I like multicultural - open minded - and not affiliated with any organized religion. Or if he is - that is going to have to fall into the category of things he does during "his away from P" time. He is going to have to accept that while I am spiritual - I am extremely allergic to organized religion. Quite frankly I do not see that as working out...
> I am a very astute business woman BUT I am and always will be socially liberal. No homophobes. No hunters (other than my cats). No guns in my house. I live in one of the lowest crime area with a very visible and very significant police presence. I have a comprehensive alarm system. I pay extra so that my electricity comes from renewable sources. And I rescue wasps, spiders, mice and set them free (even though I am afraid of them and squealing as I set them free). Zero tolerance for racial profiling in my household. That would not work b/c since 9/11 I now fit the profile of what a terrorist looks like by virtue of my race and skin color. He probably wouldn't get much sleep living in the same house as me anyway. And who wants a P that think you and your family members look like terrorists.
> I like physically fit men. And attractive is usually closely tied to physically fit. I will be physically fit again myself (as soon as I fulfil goal above ). There has to be chemistry. And I have to find him attractive.
> I want a professionally successful career person. He needs to be happy with what he has achieved as a professional. We are NOT going to compete. And he needs to be financially able to take care of himself. While we will join finances - I am not looking for a financial provider and I do not want someone that is looking for someone to provide for them. And there will be a pre-nup - regardless of who makes more.
> He needs to accept the package deal of me - my future kids - my cats. I would not date a man that did not require their P to view him - his kids - his pets as being a part of the package.
> Communication... I have no idea. I know I need space when I am upset. I know I need to go hide in a cave when I am upset. Maybe he is just going to have to read the BB b/c this is one of the few places where I actually allow whatever is in my brain to flow freely....or maybe he shouldn't b/c it is too raw and unfiltered at times. I have such a hard time talking about things that bother me. As for him - he is going to have to tell me what he wants. I have no problem with him needing cave time and not sharing every thought in his brain.
> Sex life. I never thought I needed a point on this one...until the that pesky post D R... If he is uncomfortable or ashamed of his own sexuality - that is a huge issue. I am not into joining communes. I enjoy sex. It is fun. It is something that TWO people do (once again that one is b/c of that pesky post D R)- not one person reading silly books and thinking women are mechanical devices where if you push button A - reaction B happens - and ignoring feedback from your P. There has to be room for creativity. It is an activity - not just a marital duty to be performed with the lights off and only after dark.
> Yes, I like romance. But an R cannot be founded on romantic gestures alone. They compliment and sustain an R founded on mutual respect. Romance cannot sustain a dead R. This one is courtesy of The X. He loved romantic gestures. But that is all they were - gestures - the talk w/o the walk... Dozens of roses, grandiose over the top gestures of romance are not a substitute for a lack of respect for your P.
> I work with lots of men. I have lots of male friends. He is going to have to trust me to be faithful. Honestly if I was in any way inclined to sleep with these men - would I be approaching FIVE years of celibacy!!! And I will trust him. I have never checked mail or phone bills - never even knew The X's address when he moved out. Always mailed everything to him unopenned. If I ever openned anything addressed to him that was not a bill by accident - I use to leave it for him so it was clear I had opened it. I don't play games. And I don't snoop. However if someone does cheat on me - there are NO second chances. I will accept no explanations.
> He is going to have to accept that I will not always look the way I do today. I am going to grow old. And I want to do it gracefully. No plastic surgery - no botox - no tummy tucks - lots of wrinkles and lots of parts that will succumb to gravity. I want someone that is okay with the concept that he too will be old someday. And that there is nothing wrong with that.
So there you have it. For the first time in FIVE years, I have made a first draft of a guideline of things I am looking for in a potential P. Will it change - perhaps. Will I forget the list during the initial stages of hormone bliss - perhaps... Will I get clingy and think this is the last person - my last chance at happiness ever during misguided moements of angst - perhaps... Am I going to fight in completely the wrong way at times - probably. Will I be irrational at times - very likely. Will I have moods where nothing the P says will placate me - probably... Will work overwhelm me at times where I am not as emotionally available as I would like to be - probably... I am probably going to be an extremely imperfect P. Afraid that is the best I can do...
) I will not always get my way. I am going to have to (gulp) compromise...
