Supermom and the Brighter Tomorrow

[JennyF]

Kerry...yeah, I just happened to be downtown for one of those World Series wins, it was great!

Blindsided...thanks for checking in.

H came today to pack his stuff and tomorrow he moves it out and into his new house with CFB (OW). I've been quite emotional today...I didn't even really feel it coming on and then I woke up at 5AM to feed S and couldn't get back to sleep. I've been crying a lot which I haven't done in weeks. I guess the reality is hitting me and it sucks.
I'm also a bit emotional because next weekend is H's best friends b-day party. I'm not going (wasn't really invited). H is going and bringing her. I'm hurt by it because I would love to go and celebrate with him but now I can't.

I went to look at the house today that is on my best friends street. I love it. It is perfect for me and the kids.
I have an appmt at the bank on Monday and with my lawyer on Tuesday to figure out what my options are. I'm letting the chips fall where they may on this one. If the timing works out for this house with the financial decisions, then great. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. I'm not making any hasty decisions....but I do love the house. And it is only up the street from my best friends and their kids are the exactly same age as mine. My D would love to live that close them and I think it would help with her transition out of this house.

I'm just sad today. H and I had an ok conversation when he left today with S. He was asking me about family and stuff. He called and asked my step dad to go the annual golf tournament that he always goes to. It's with a lot friends, so it isn't just H that will be there but I thought it was a nice gesture.
I find it harder when he's acting like his old self and talking to me normal. It feels too normal. In some ways though in the back of my head I still think that if we can just keep up with that....even for the next 6 months that eventually he's going to start to realize we still have a connection. But then I don't know if I even want him back. Even though I'm totally focused on myself and am making my plans for my future (and feeling good about to be honest!), I still have that feeling deep in heart that it isn't over between us. I don't know why.

Anyway...we're going down this road regardless so tomorrow begins the "living with OW" stage. I hope it's a short one.
J~