State of Mind

[BeingMe]

Good grief! I hardly ever come to my own thread! Thanks for checking up on me, Pnoenix!

Things are going fine. I just finished two courses ... Fitness Theory, and Group Fitness Theory. So, I am on my way to getting BCRPA certified. Next, I have to write the exam, then organize some classes ... have to give 8 hours of aerobics as part of the certification requirements. I may give them at church for the ladies.

H is still travelling. He is in Portland, OR, at the moment, and I am going down for a week next week. It's one of the USA cities that I really like, and wouldn't mind living there. I will be spending time at Powell's Bookstore, shopping at the outlet malls, and we'll go out to some interesting, local restaurants. Of course, I will be on my own during the day, but that's okay. I'll try and fit in some workouts at the local gyms too. My S20 will be taking care of D15, so I won't have to worry about her, since he is pretty responsible, and so is she. They also get on very well, and hang out a lot anyway. It should be a nice holiday for me. I just wish I knew someone there that I can hang out with. Haven't noticed if there are any DB'ers from that area. Oh well, luckily, I don't mind my own company at all.

I have sent in my application to the local university for September. Eek! I hope I can do it. I just want to get my degree (even if it's only associates) at last. I will also be doing the coaching and creative writing courses in the next few months ... one can do it online, so that should work out great for me.

I am giving my first RS lesson on Sunday, and been busy trying to put that together. It's on remembering God's kindness in our lives. It's a very broad subject, and it's not from the manual so I can come at it from just about any angle I want.

So, I have been a busy bee these past few weeks, and I like it that way.

The only thing not busy is my M ... we are still stuck at the same stage ... friendly, affectionate to a degree, talk a bit, but nothing else. I have pretty much detached again, and let go of the anxiety and stress over worrying about the why's of it all. No point really ... can't control him, but I will have fun with my life, and move on. I have no intention of leaving him though (at least, I have no plans in that direction, but it's always a possibility). If he is content with the way things are, then so be it. I had hoped for a better R, but if he's not willing to put in the effort, or if he's hiding something, or whatever, then so be it. It's not an unhappy M, actually, quite a nice one, but there is no thrills at all, no deep connections, or intimacy.

So be it. Despite my M, life is good. I have awesome children, fun interests, a possibly good, new career ahead, so I have no real complaints. In fact, I am grateful for all my blessings, and maybe one day, my H will realize what a treasure he has ... I know that I have a treasure in him (and I try and show him that, by being patient, kind, loving but detached, and interested in his life), but he is unaware of his own good points, and he has to come to that before he can truly plug into our R or any other, I would guess.

Take care, y'all.