How do they walk away?

[kissak]

Im so sorry for how you feel today Treese.....

You know I have found out that when I act down and depressed around my H, he eats it up. He acts happy....so I have figured it out....just act happy when he is around and then his mood changes quick!!

You can do this.

[Treese]

So as soon as I posted I found this poem in my documents file, where it came from I don't know....I think someone is speaking to me.....

“Dream Big” Author unknown

If there were ever a time to dare,
To make a difference
To embark on something worth doing
It is now.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily –
But for something that tugs at your ear
Something that is worth your aspiration
Something that is your dream.
You owe it to yourself
To make your days count.
Have fun. Dig deep. Stretch.

Dream big.

Know, though,
That things worth doing
Seldom come easy,
There will be times when you want to
Turn around
Pack it up and call it quits
Those times tell you
That you are pushing yourself
And that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

Persist.

Because with an idea,
Determination and the right tools,
You can do great things.
Let your instincts, your intellect
And let your heart guide you.

Trust.

Believe in the incredible power
Of the human mind
Of doing something that makes a difference
Of working hard
Of laughing and hoping
Of lasting friends
Of all the things that will cross your path
Next year
The start of something new
Brings the hope of something great.
Anything is possible
There is only one you
And you will pass this way but once.

Do it right.

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((Treese))))))

I know you want to know how, and why! and I really understand that. But, I think you are tearing yourself apart trying to answer questions that just don't have answers. Unless because he can, and because he wants to count as answers.

I don't know how to suggest that you detach, but I thinnk that is what you have to do, to save your sanity. You really need to stop letting your mind be controlled by what he is or isn't doing. And by trying to understand it, it just can't be understood.

I know that's not a very satisfying answer, and it probably doesn't seem very helpful. But if you are going to have any chance to restore things, you have to save yourself!

[ddstartingover]

Well Treese, you know I'm right there with you. If somehow I should find the answer, I'll let you know. As for now, there seems to be fewer minutes in the day that I am not crying or close to tears. Our 22nd anniversary is 3 weeks away. I wonder if he's trying to get out of the house before that date........I really don't know if I can make it.

[Treese]

So, I was thinking....well, I need to quit thinking....

so, I guess H will avoid me even more for a little while....last night I told him I missed him, and I wanted him to come home..

so, is this why he is so uncomfortable around me....he told me this but I thought it was because of what he has done to our family...I haven't talked about R for a very long time, I just had a weak moment, and he looked good last night...I wanted to touch him so after we took son to Arby's I said bye and reached my hand out to shake his hand, and he kind of slapped mine as to not touch his to hard...or he thought I was giving him five...

Oh well, blew it again....so.....I think I'll go shopping, that always makes me feel good....LOL!!!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Treese,

I want to say that every time I see this thread title.

How do they walk away, My first thought is;

One step at a time.

Every time.

I hesitated posting that, because for while there I thought it was a smart ass comment.

It can be taken that way.

How do they walk away. One step at a time. Its like an old joke.

They come back the same way though...

One step at a time. Usually not at the pace you want.

[Treese]

You're right Jack....I hope my story turns out that way....I can do one step at a time...I just want him to come back eventually...

Thanks Treese

[Maya44]

Wow, that little bit says a ton! So wonderful to think of it that way! Thanks Jack!

[Treese]

H brought son home last night from bball practice and came in to play cards with him...
H tried to talk to D15 and have a conversation with her but she wanted nothing to do with it..she did give him a few one word answers....I wonder what goes through his head when she avoids him or won't answer his calls...

he did say a few words to me and then I just went upstairs and did my thing....then he said bye treese and left....I'm glad I was upstairs because as long as I don't see him leave, I'm okay...it's when he walks out while I'm watching that kills me....

I think pride will definately keep him from ever coming back...I know right now he wants nothing to do with me, is not attracted to me, etc....I'd like to turn that around sometime...

Treese

[theotherhalf]

I am so frustrated right now...I am so not good at this DBing...I want to hug my H...I hate going to bed alone....I miss my H so much, it's eating me alive...I do do other things...with my friends, etc..., my kids are so busy with sports and friends that sometimes I left sitting on my couch while son is outside playing and D15 is with a friend...I miss the inteaction with my H...just sitting around talking and smiling and him rubbing my legs, etc....it sucks, and I know I can't do anything about it, but it is eating me alive....it's been 15 months, probably longer that he's been with this OW on and off, mainly on...and he had a baby with another girl 8 years ago, so why can't I just hate him and go on...He's moved on, he is happy now, doesn't really bother him that D's aren't talking to him...
I made my home safe for H to come back, to try and work on our M, but all he does is take advantage of me and come over and cut his hair and shower in my house and then leave to go to OW house to be with her and have s** with her....someone tell me how they do that....do they really not care...it's so hard to comprehend when you are so torn up.....cause we are sane and they are not, but they think they are...

Am I going to open my door one day to someone serving me divorce papers...I am on the edge now, what then, I guess people will be visiting me in the looney bin....geez....can't I just smack the smile off his face....How can he be so happy, while I'm so sad?

I"m doing it all,everything, while he is screwing around and sleeping in and all comfy and cozy, and I'm struggling...shouldn't they be the ones to struggle and feel bad.

I know, I know,get over it....work on me...how do you do that when you wake up in the morning thinking about them and you think about them all day, and then when you go to bed you cry yourself to sleep because you want to reach out and touch them and they are not there.....aaaagggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I just want the pain to go away....that's it....

Sorry, had to get that out or I would have blown.....

Butterflymom; How in the heck did you do it.? I want my family back and I haven't called him or anything, unless it has to do with the kids., I've given him space...I think he's loving that he doesnt see me, after all he doesn't want to be married anymore...

Treese, It's like you pulled my feelings right from my heart. I understand so well. This is exactly how I feel. And it IS SO frustrating. Even though our sitches are different. It's like we are alot the same. My name is Teresa. And you feel the same for you H as I do for mine.

This is so very hard and no matter what we do or don't it just doesn't seem to get any easier.

I am praying for you, hang in there...
TOH