H has been home for a little over a month now, he states there has been no contact with OW since 3/17/08, maybe but not certain. We have had some rough spots he has said things to hurt me but not sure if its just to get back at me for saying I needed time to get over affair before I could let him touch me again . He saids he has become very selfish and shallow he states his standards are much higher since affair. It seems she was younger mid to late 20's (but not sure), probably thin, pretty and had a pretty good career that she could have taken care of him but he said he didn't want that and wants his family back but at the same time still has some feelings for his play thing. He states he is trying to get back feelings for me, says he doesn't care about me like he use to but to give him a chance to try to get those feelings back. I'm not sure how to do this? Half of me wants to kick his sorry a** and the other half is wanting to give him a chance for all our sakes but to stay alittle detached to keep from getting hurt again. I am not sure about reconciling through sex, (yes I gave in) I don't know if that will work, but it was one of the reasons for the affair I was too distracted and we were living apart because of work but he's home but not completely there. So here's the question is it possible to find love again after an emotional and physical affair and to get back in love with your spouse?
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
So here's the question is it possible to find love again after an emotional and physical affair and to get back in love with your spouse?
and to repeat the previous posts, Yep.
But your thread title...
Quote:
Sex enough to rekindle marriage after E&P Affair?
Well, maybe not, probably not, but it's a start.
Michelle used to have an article about why having sex was important when you are trying to work things out, how it contributes to the practice of intimacy that needs to be rebuilt. I searched for it earlier today when I first read your post but haven't been able to find it. I'll keep trying, or maybe someone else remembers where it is.
A lot of people didn't agree with my approach as I continued to have sex with my H while he was living with someone else.
Both of us think it was the small thread that kept us from breaking apart entirely.
With sex comes feelings. Not as quickly for men since they are able to seperate the two easier than women, but the intimacy does help. Read some of the Marriage Builders stuff about meeting emotional needs.
Good stuff, especially at the stage your H is in.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
I will tell you that if my H came to me and wanted to have S, I would do it in a second...we have not ML since last June...I so miss his touch, his kiss, just everything...I may never have that back...and it's very sad....I don't want to be intimate with anyone else.... Is there a way to get him to want to be with me again?...or is he just totally in to his new OW and not attracted to me at all, like he says....I just find that hard to believe...I think I'm in denial...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Michelle used to have an article about why having sex was important when you are trying to work things out, how it contributes to the practice of intimacy that needs to be rebuilt.
WELL MY H IS COME SAYS HES BACK TO ME FOR GOOD....HE LOVES ME, EVEN SAYS HES BACK 100%...HES BEEN HOME 10 MONTHS AND HAS YET TO BE INTIMATE WITH ME. SAYS HES BEEN LOOKING AT MENS HEALTH WEB SITES???
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I also agree that it's possible. It's possible to rekindle your love and marriage after an affair. Though I admit it takes a lot of work on both of your parts.
Piecing is not an easy task. It's been 2 years since my H decided to return. And like BFM I kept ML with my H even though he didn't want to be with me. For me (and him) it was something that showed him that I still loved him, despite all the hurtful things he had done.
He has told me that he felt my love and tenderness, along with the pain and sorrow through our physical relationship. As difficult as it was for me, mainly it took a lot to separate those "emotions" from the physical side of it....it was worth it.
It can be done. No one said piecing was easy...but it can be done.
RU
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
My H told me the same thing just after the bomb dropped that he did not want to betray himself or OW, that his standards was much higher that I was getting fat and not taking care of myself and well his plaything was just his and any 40 year old man's fantasy and any married woman's nightmare and that maybe he is just that shallow and selfish, but I don't know, he maybe, only time will tell I guess. But now he says he has to be with me and he'll get angry if I were to say no to him. I'll just be ready if there is a next tme I will not be blindsided again.
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
