(((((lovnlrn))))) To start, I don't think anyone will say your posts are too long. It's way easier for people to give advice, or even just commiserate, when they have somegthing to go on! And besides that, it really helps you to get it all off your chest! So, post away, no one is counting words!
Do try to find the books, Divorce Remedy is the more recent one, and is generally the preffered one, but either would be a place to start.
From what I have read so far, I think the age difference may be an issue, more for him than for you. Since you've been together for nine tears, I would say that he never had a part of his youth, and that part of what he is doing is sort of making up for that. (None of that conscious, of course.) He is sort of acting like a mid-20s single guy. So, maybe it is possible to wait it out, though it may be that by then the damage is too great. But, at least you are the one that can decide that.
As far as contact goes, I think that you might be in a position where the less you have the better. For sure, any time you contact him, he is going to feel pressured. Even if it is about the kids. (I'm wondering if part of his problem is just the pressure of being a dad, several times over.) So, little contact, and no talk about your relationship are where I think you want to start.
I'm going to go find someone that I think might be able to help you...
