If you decide to go out with him, make sure he is abundantly aware of where you are and what your expectations are of the "date".
A gentleman will respect these boundaries and won't let you be tempted.
This is exactly what I did, Karen, when I began dating a year into my separation. You must always be upfront and honest with your date(s) as I'm sure you would expect the same from them.
And yes, there are still many very respectful gentlemen out there.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
"Wow, mc, 18 months!!! I don't know how you do that!!"
Two words for you Karen....... COLD SHOWER
Ah, I'm getting to the point where I will have to do that every day!!! I am even starting to think about filing for divorce at this point, which I know is very anti-DB and horrible of me. I'm just starting to feel tired of the limbo.
I just feel like I am 99.9% sure that H will be filing for divorce at some point, and if that's the case, I'd rather just get it over with...If I thought there was a chance H would come back at some point, I guess I wouldn't, but I am feeling pretty sure that he won't. He's given me absolutely no indication that he would ever want to reconcile. So, there I am--feeling like I want to just end it then. Karen
DBing isn't the be all end all for some one in this sitch (I should be getting banned for saying this). You still need to do what is right for you. Only you know your sitch and only you can decide when you are ready to file. If you are ready, then file. That doesn't mean anything. The key is, are you ready to pull the pin. My CW filed. That was fine with me. Honestly, if she still hadn't filed, I would have by now. I am glad she did because the $250 filing fee came out of her pocket.
K43-IMHO, you need to look deep down inside yourself and ask yourself if your H has crossed the line? Has he gone too far? Are you willing to wait to see if he has made up his mind? Are you ready to file and follow through? Once you answer these, your course of action may be clearer.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Has he given you an indication that he is going to File?
H had talked in the past about filing after we sell our house. When he was obsessed with the OW early this year & living at home he was working on the house quite a bit, esp. every time we had a fight. He slowed down around Feb. just working on the house occasionally. The last month or two he hasn't really worked on the house at all (maybe b/c I've lost a lot of weight and been hardcore DBing), and I think he still would want to sell the house before filing for the little bit of extra cash it would bring. He hasn't really been talking about divorce lately, but also no plans of moving back, so I think he intends to file eventually, but he seems not to be in a rush about it. He has been spending more time here with the kids & wants to take them Sat. night so I think things may have cooled down with the OW, but I still think he is with her to some extent.
If I thought he would reconsider filing and at some point be interested in the marriage again or working on it, I wouldn't want to file, but I really have not had any indication that he would reconsider. I read everyone else's posts and they all seem much more hopeful than mine, most H's seem to at least consider returning to the marriage even if they waver.
I guess I feel stupid just holding on to a marriage that will probably end anyway eventually; and if that's the case I would rather just file myself and not wait 3 months or 6 months or a year or whatever. I have just started thinking about this today, so obviously I don't have to rush anything, but I guess I am getting tired of the limbo I'm living in and not having a relationship which I could probably have if I was divorced. I guess I'm either getting weaker or stronger I can't figure it out!!! I have to wonder why he doesn't file; I guess b/c of the house but he hasn't been working on that either so who knows? I do think he is in MLC in the 3rd or 4th stage or both so maybe he doesn't even know what he wants?!? I kind of wonder if my DBing and doing so great lately is just going to delay the divorce rather than prevent it, and not really sure if that's what I want to do, drag this out for a long time. Karen
I think today I am feeling just a tad more positive about my marriage, although I don't know why?!? At this point I guess I will just hang in there a month or two and see what happens, if things get better, worse, or stay the same.
I was reminding my H last night that I was going to switch doctors to in my town. The kid's current Dr. is an hour drive away and we usually have a 2 hour wait or they are too busy to see the kids and I'm tired of it. If I switch to my town, it's 5 minutes away, they are less busy & much less of a wait.
H emailed me last night: no need to switch drs. b/c you're going to move to (my town). I didn't respond b/c I didn't feel like getting into WW3 with him late at night, but I do plan to switch doctors next week since I am the one that takes them there 99% of the time, and I kind of don't understand why he thinks he will be making major life decisions for me when we divorce or after!!! I guess I have changed more than he realizes???!!! Karen
Sounds like a good plan since you are still unsure of your M situation. It's fun to get male attention but, you need to understand your vulnerabilites.
Karen
I guess I have changed more than he realizes???!!! 