It is more about the 2 1/2 hours of pure pleasure (lol) and less about the emotional connection.
LOL at the 2.5 hours. Funny you said that, because H joked that it wouldn't 'inconvience' me for too long, 5 minutes tops.... said it had been since the last time WE had sex. Um, not sure if I believe it, but whatever dude.
Thanks mc for chiming in!!! I feel I did the right thing. Other than the physical enjoyment for me, I couldn't pinpoint what it would mean to me, so I figure if its not clear then it wasn't a good idea.
TAL, I agree that men use sex to express love, but they can also just *have* sex. Makes total sense.
I'll just join the throng and say that it sounds like you did the right thing...especially after how you describe how H approached you on it!
For a long time in my sitch, I both initiated and accepted intimate contact with my H (although in no way could it be characterized as ML) as a means to try to restore a real connection between us (based on things he said over time about wanting to be with someone who wanted to be with him...and on my LD tendencies). BUt now that I have more knowledge about the timeline and depth of his R with OW, and realized it was making no impact whatsoever on him, and not providing me with much either, it has made it a very easy choice to back off.
Hope you have a great day, and aren't getting all the stormy weather we have been lately!
Well, Lwb, at least you're given the occasional option of "ML". I get and am only going to get absolutely nothing from my S, not so much as a hug anymore.
I swear that's one way you LBW (left-behind wives) have it so much easier than we LBH (left-behind husbands). A wayward H is still a guy, and often willing to relax his stance, hold a temporary truce, just to seek out another source of "satisfaction." In contrast, these wayward W tend to shut it all off for the LBH -- no way in h*ll are they going to give their poor H even the opportunity to find that sort of comfort with them.
As such that is one way the LBW is so much better at rebuilding intimacy with their spouse than the LBH is. Guys are so much easier.
That is because, women are emotionally stronger than men. I'm not sure that in my sitch, if the roles were reversed, that I could have such an emotional shutdown with the wife. It is hard to imagine. I guess it is hard for any LBS to imagine that they could do what WS is doing to us.
I find it incredible that he was even trying.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
nocode, I see it ALL the time on here. Rarely you read about a WAW wanting intimacy (or even hugs) from their husband. But the WAH can go back and forth (at least some). H did not initiate ML with me when he was involved with OW and I didn't know, but he was willing when I knew about it (however, I wasn't lol). I could say that I could call him right now and he would be over here, but what it would mean to him, I have no clue. And it would mean more to me. Plus I feel so distant from him in all other aspects, it would hurt me to be so close to him. Space and detachment are my means of survival at this point.
Gypsy, I don't know if its because a guy feels more strongly about another person, but more of a newfound attraction, an 'addiction' if you will to the attention. In one of the books I read (Not Just Friends, I think), it mentions how a WAS has to build walls. They have to build a wall in between them and their spouse in order to let the new person in.
Hopeful,
Quote:
I guess it is hard for any LBS to imagine that they could do what WS is doing to us.
I totally agree. I can't imagine doing what my H has done, and that's not meant to come across as holier than thou.
Gypsy, I don't know if its because a guy feels more strongly about another person, but more of a newfound attraction, an 'addiction' if you will to the attention. In one of the books I read (Not Just Friends, I think), it mentions how a WAS has to build walls. They have to build a wall in between them and their spouse in order to let the new person in.
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That's interesting Lwb! Now I want to pick up that book and I have so many others already! But my H tends to either be very distant and angry and that started I think when he started his EA and of course worsened when the PA started in Dec. He won't touch or even hug me even the day before my brother had his brain surgery!!! Karen
Funny you said that, because H joked that it wouldn't 'inconvience' me for too long, 5 minutes tops.... said it had been since the last time WE had sex. Um, not sure if I believe it, but whatever dude. 