Just journaling...Let what little my mind has left to seep out. An update is this....the last thread has been unwound. I have had several interviews and all of them have been awful. I finally failed a pre-entrance test to a job for lower pay and had been doing for the last three years. It looks as though I will now set my sights on something I am more able and apt to do....massage and turn the franks at the nearest Blimpies. It seems the older I get the more ignorant I get...in a literal sense. Unexplainable. My oldest son is still failing several classes in high school with his Asperger disease as the main culprit. I am in the process of trying to get him into another school that will suit his needs much more than the one he is at. His current school doesn't meet or have the resources to help him. He deserves better and much longer will be like dear ole' dad more than I would like. My "M" is a facade on every account. My Wife was promoted and more revenue will be streaming in but she will be gone even longer in the evenings. At this point, she comes home, surfs the web on Ebay for a half hour, hugs the kids and goes to bed. This will never work. I have never considered myself a "Benson or Mr. Belvedere" type of person. All my pleas for space and time without my pant leg being tugged or shuttling have been denied or replied with "What? You want me to quit my job?" Our communication is translucent....I very much relate it to the movie "American Beauty". I feel at this moment the same conclusion will arrive as well. I am now considering just leaving for a time. I don't want to be considered a "dead beat dad"but I would have a nervous breakdown if I had a nervous system. My head needs to be cleaned out for every move I make is in a "milky" haze. I need to try to resurrect myself without my TOTAL day being at the expense of serving others. This may seem like a "Pity Party" but there is no laughing and gleeing and certainly more a party of one. They caught the individuals whose stray bullet went into our house and I have been having to testify to the courts so that takes up a little time. My guidance in spirituality is now stained,static driven. I no longer feel the comfort of a higher being which to be quite honest is the most alarming. I went to seek advice from a good friend who is a nun and left feeling more vacant than when I came in. SOOOO...I guess the theme of this paper is "DIE or FLY"....Hmmm? Rustle that one brain cell in my head at that thought.
Cat- Karate is not the Middle child's love or even better put his mom's love so no...it's baseball or the highway. Sitting with the little one in unusually cold weather with sleet and rain hasn't brightened my spirits any either. The thought on "no"..I hear it enough one would think I could purse my lips enough to say it....maybe soon. I didn't take offense to you relating me to your husband except for I am not that "nimble" enough to jump bushes or porch bannisters and I don't like "Mobile hard porn"
Aud-What direction? I can only hope UP....if I haven't done too many bad deeds. No one needs to reply to this because I am merely trying to do some sort of "cerebral" bowel movement....I will even leave a piece of toilet paper to wipe at your convenience.... Lots more to relate even on more fronts...(mother's rapid dementia and such)but I have bored myself. For those out there Piecing.....One fragment of advice..."it's not what you say, It is what you hear." Most answers come from the ears not the mouth......peace
