Still trying to be patient

[LL44]

What a nice peaceful night. Aaaah!!! That's great. It will be weird with the kids sleeping away Saturday night.

Both kids seem almost to avoid H sometimes and hug on me instead: I guess they are seeing me as the stable one they can count on and they have lost that feeling about their dad

Lately, my H can come and go from room to room, leave the house, go outside, anything. The girls don't question it, but they are always up in my business. I totally agree, I don't think the girls see it as negative/positive, just along the lines that I meet more needs (since I am with them more). Hope that makes sense.

[kat727]

Karen, I hope you have made some plans for yourself while the kids are gone...even if it is just being home watching movies! Thinking of you.
kat

[karen43]

I know I need to make plans for Saturday. One of my new best friends from the theatre is a guy, and I was thinking about going out with him Sat., but maybe that's not a good idea. We've been emailing and talking on the phone and stuff every day. I am starting to feel like my H is gone for good, so I don't know. I probably should stay home Saturday night. I don't know what to do! (I think this guy might like me as more than friendship, you know?) Karen

[kat727]

The real issue is how you think of him. If he is truly just a friend for you, go out , make it a group thing if you want. Just be happy and don't do anything you will regret later!!
kat

[karen43]

I do just think of him as a friend, but since I've been celibate so long, like 6 months now, I'm maybe a little afraid I might be tempted or something. So that's why I was thinking about maybe not putting myself in that situation? But I am feeling like my H is gone for good, so maybe I should? I'm confused! Karen

[GoingForward]

Karen,

From what I'm reading, it doesn't sound to me that you are actually emotionally ready to actively date someone new. Perhaps you should wait until you FEEL and BELIEVE that you are indeed ready. But this is just my opinion. You're a big girl and can do as you please.

You can always go out for dinner and a drink, but draw the line with yourself to not go any further than that until you are 100% certain this is what you really want to do.

(((((((Hugs)))))))

[karen43]

Yes, you're right. I don't think I'm ready so will be careful about that. It's hard to remember sometimes I'm married oddly enough. I know my H forgets!!! I just really would like to have a relationship now, and guess I have to wait! I guess my H will file for divorce soon probably so I shouldn't worry! Karen

[mcojh]

Karen-
If you decide to go out with him, make sure he is abundantly aware of where you are and what your expectations are of the "date".

A gentleman will respect these boundaries and won't let you be tempted.

As far as the "6 months of celibecy" goes.....that's not so long. Coming up on 18 months.

[karen43]

I'm in a funk today! Not my usual happy self. I need to do something fun today!!! I'm just getting tired of the marriage limbo I've been in for 5 months now. And it looks to me like most other spouses on the board here kind of waver and have moments where they feel they are interested in the marriage, but my H doesn't seem to have any of those moments or feelings. He made the one comment several weeks ago that he was under stress at the time he started the affair b/c of being in a play which made things seem worse than they really are, but other than that, nothing. I just feel like I'm not making any progress in our R, and it's frustrating me today!!! Karen

[karen43]

That would be a weird conversation though wouldn't it? I guess just say it has to be friends while I'm still married? Wow, mc, 18 months!!! I don't know how you do that!!! Karen