WAW...now LBS part III

[HOPEFULinCALI]

We talked last night on the phone for 2 hours. It ranged from the divorce, to our relationship, to my trip, and her past week. All in all, it was pretty nice. Today I asked her this: "Great, I will see you Tuesday night for our Survivor and ice cream DATE! Beware, there will be a little romance involved. That's a hint in case you want to cancel."

Her response, "What time? Will tonight work? I watched it; but I'll watch it again."

I know I shouldn't; but I take her moving into her own place as such a negative aspect of our relationship. It seems to me that there is no moving back once she moves out. I hope she feels different.

I might be dumb here by forcing the romance; but it seems like she isn't fighting it.

Well, it didn't go as well as I would have liked; but I believe my expectations were too high. We hung out on the couch and watched TV. I held her hand and stroked her hair; but nothing was really reciprocated. At the end of the night, we exchanged hugs and a peck on the lips.

Jaw,

May I ask why you are having D and R talks still. You really want to strive to make every interaction positive and free of D and R talks (even if you are able to talk about it nicely).

It is really all about discovering what works and what doesn't. If it doesn't then move on but if she is not fighting you I would say to keep doing what you are doing but don't push until she gives you the signal that she is ready to move forward. In general it does sound as if things are going well (she is still spending time with you, holding your hand, giving you pecks etc.)Yes, you really do need to remove all expectations at this point so that you can concentrate on being a good friend and maintaining your focus and sanity.

It is difficult to say how the sep. will affect your R. It can make things more difficult but it isn't end of the world (although I know sometimes it can feel like it). I have had two different experiences with sep. The first sep. made us grow apart, but the second sep. is allowing me to focus on me, my efforts to rebuild a friendship, and to show him only the best of me. There was no DBing in the first sep. and neither of us were given the tools by our therapist to work on ourselves or the M. Hang in there!