I almost want to say I see the "godlight" shining in you.
Just kidding. I have no time to puke this afternoon.
What I do see is a man who is being grounded in the Truth and is reflecting grace, strength and kindness.
God is, perhaps, showing you that you do, indeed, matter to him and that's he's got your back. Let me say that falling into the hands of the living God is a frightening thing. It appears counter-intuitive and risky at times to loosen our grip and to place our trust in God, but in the long-run it's the safest place to be. The adventure is just beginning.
If you liked Tim Keller's book, I suggest listening to his online sermons. He preaches much better than he writes. I should know, he was my pastor for several years. His sermons are kick-a$$. No positive, self-actualizing mush. He dishes it out hard-core. Yet, he invites you into a relationship with the One who makes all things new and who pours goodness, grace and truth into our hearts.
You are more sinful and broken than you ever imagined, yet, in Christ, you are more loved and accepted than you ever dared to hope.
And you know what? If you wife turns around, it won't be your job, it'll be God's going. And if she doesn't, well...trust that God knows what he's doing anyway.
Now if I can only get myself to believe that more fully. ;-)
Pray for me Frank, as I'll pray for you.
Regarding the name change and the tattoo....MLC, MLC, MLC.
Your wife needs her true name to be spoken to her by God, who writes it on a white stone.
Interesting updates lately. Running into the friend at church...well, don't let me get all spiritual on you or anything, but I'll be darned if God doesn't just seem to have a way of letting us know that He's on the case.
Don't you find the contradictions and ironies of MLC a bit amusing?
---I want to be free of you - as soon as you provide the money for me to go.
---I need to be who I really am inside - so I think I'll change my name.
---I'm a happy person inside - yet I grump around and cry for no reason sometimes.
And then the best one for those of us left behind...
---When I finally gave up thinking I could control the situation, I found some semblance of peace and control in MY life.
You sound like you're balanced Frank. We can't ask for much more than that, particularly when you're living with the one who wants to leave. Stay on this path.
Oh, and...maybe the blessing you received at church on Sunday was also to encourage you to keep going.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Interesting updates lately. Running into the friend at church...well, don't let me get all spiritual on you or anything, but I'll be darned if God doesn't just seem to have a way of letting us know that He's on the case.
Thanks for that observation. I've been trying to figure out what it meant and your explanation is clear. He's 'on the case'.
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Don't you find the contradictions and ironies of MLC a bit amusing?
---I want to be free of you - as soon as you provide the money for me to go.
---I need to be who I really am inside - so I think I'll change my name.
---I'm a happy person inside - yet I grump around and cry for no reason sometimes.
And don't forget 'I guess I'll go hang out with my friends since nobody at my home wants to hang around me'. Why not? You are such a happy person?
It can be a real chore to deal with, but I'm doing my best. I'm sticking with not going out of my way to spend time / talk to her, but making sure that when I do it's pleasant.
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Oh, and...maybe the blessing you received at church on Sunday was also to encourage you to keep going.
It's been awhile. Something drew me to this site today so I checked to see which of my friends have been active in the past 24 hours. Lucky you! I feel your pain my brother.
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So if she wants to be my friend, then she has to be my wife. And to do THAT she has to PROVE to me that she wants to be with me.
Yuk! What woman in their right mind would be attracted to that kind of attitude. It's one thing to be strong, and have a natural attraction, it's another thing to demand it.
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Another note, she has actually started reading her 'how to get a divorce book' the past 2 days or so.
Can't say I fault her, it doesn't sound like she has many options. Her H just isn't there.
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Later on of course, she was asking me about dinner and said that cooking the BBQ ribs I had gotten would take 2 hours and it was already 6 pm. When I said 'Well, I'm not starving so I could wait' she said 'You know you aren't the only f'king person in this house!'.
Whoa.
Whoa is right. I can't believe you missed that one. Remember the "statements are questions and questions are statements thing"? I think YOU first taught me that one. 8:00 is really late to eat ribs, especially if it was a night before school. She also probably knows that 2 hours can easily turn into more, AND by the time you eat and then clean up, it's 10:00 already. No time to relax. She was right on that one, maybe could have given a better delivery, but she was probably just responding to the look you were giving her. You know the "I think your a cold hearted manic bitch" look.
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Saw my counselor today. We talked about the 'niceness' of W and she really thinks she is manic. She thinks she needs a lot of therapy, medication and prayer. She is really starting to wonder if she really will move out on her own, and points out that she has been wanting to 'find herself' for the past 20 years.
Are you paying your C to analyze your W? Has your C ever met your W? One of the most poisonous pills I swallowed during my separation was the BS my C's were feeding me about what a whacked out nut my W was. It just helped feed my own denial about what a wussy, needy, controlling, whiny, wimpy, self centered, pouty thing I was being. Please stop judging and analyzing her. Leave her if you must. But I assure you, beneath her exterior there lies a very beautiful soul. One that is suffering, afraid, angry, and hurt. She doesn't need you to be her savior.
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I sure wish God would whack my W over the head with a hammer and get her to see what she's doing to us all.
We ALL need a good whack now and again. Stay focused on YOU. Live in peace and joy, even in the midst of chaos. Find that spirit, that srong and powerful energy that will carry you through any crisis. If your W's moods and attitude are dragging you down, then it is YOU who needs the boot in the rear or a whack with a hammer.
Of course your D is going to align with you, your W is a basket case right now. I hope you can find the courage, strength and faith to stand by her, to hold her hand, to see the love of Christ in her heart. My W changed, she changed because I changed.
My favorite saying was to keep doing what works, and stop doing what doesn't. I just don't see how your current actions and attitude are helping your sitch. I'm praying you'll try something new.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I'm not going to respond to your post other than to thank you for your prayers. I know you mean well, however much of this post is making assumptions about my anger or vindictiveness that is simply not true. Some of your post was useful to me and I thank you for it.
I don't look at my W as a 'cold hearted manic bitch' and my counselor does know my W very well, and cares for her as I do.
Around my W I am calm and 'decent' to her. She is not the same towards me. I will never become a mean person. Ever. It's not who I am.
Yuk! What woman in their right mind would be attracted to that kind of attitude. It's one thing to be strong, and have a natural attraction, it's another thing to demand it.
Or to show that you need it.
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It just helped feed my own denial about what a wussy, needy, controlling, whiny, wimpy, self centered, pouty thing I was being. Please stop judging and analyzing her. Leave her if you must.
Nothing else need be said.
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But I assure you, beneath her exterior there lies a very beautiful soul. One that is suffering, afraid, angry, and hurt. She doesn't need you to be her savior.
Beneath her exterior as well as yours, mine, and a whole bunch of us on this board.
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My favorite saying was to keep doing what works, and stop doing what doesn't. I just don't see how your current actions and attitude are helping your sitch.
Or, do you believe otherwise?
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I'm not going to respond to your post other than to thank you for your prayers. I know you mean well, however much of this post is making assumptions about my anger or vindictiveness that is simply not true. Some of your post was useful to me and I thank you for it.
Frank, I have to admit that your quasi-defensive response was not surprising.
You're both out of touch with Frank's sitch to be responding the way you are.
Yes, he has struggled. But it's the typical struggle that anyone who has a spouse still at home chomping at the bits to leave has faced. It's no simple task to figure out the dynamic that keeps the peace, leaves the door open to future positive moves, and yet doesn't make you feel like you are implicitly giving your approval for their actions.
Plus, you're talking about things from two weeks ago. Frank has clearly made progress getting a handle on things since then.
From the bigger perspective, neither of you seem to understand that Frank is not currently in the business of fixing his marriage. He's done that once. What it got him was a repeat performance from a woman who feels like she should have left all along.
Offer some positive suggestions to go along with your 2x4's, otherwise you're just out to kick a guy who was pretty down at one point.
Frank, you're doing fine.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Agreed....frank sounds very good. I think he is making that hurdle that just takes time to get to. I think, for all of us, we hit that really low point that kicks our gut...before we finally stand up and shake our head from side to side...shaking our jowls with that cartoon/gurgling sound...and get the strength to say 'what the heck is going on here?'.
