Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[GH31]

OK, the plot thickens...

This is Day 9 of "piecing" if you can call it that. Yesterday was much better - I caressed her head for an hour and a half on the couch and really relaxed her, then we went out and about in Berlin and for a few drinks.

Earlier in the day I said to her point blankly that our situation is "an affair dressed up as a separation" and that the vacillation she is undergoing is "textbook behaviour for people when they are having affairs". I also told her for the first time in all of this that her behaviour was "killing me".

When we went out later, she started talking about how I should go and take a job offer that I have in Munich as Sydney is far away. Then we were playing pool (again) and out came the old "we`re destined to be together", "it`s meant to be" blah blah blah. I was very cool about all of this and said "maybe we`re not" and told her that I have had enough and that I need to build a new life for myself to make me happy. I also told her I wanted her to be happy, however she found it. Then after pool we ended up kissing passionately and holding hands as we walked. She even tacitly admitted to still loving me. Only 24 hours earlier she had point blankly refused to take my hand and had said "I just cannot go there right now".

Well, this morning she woke up smiling and asked for a massage so I gave her one and then we ML for the first time in 3 months. She asked me not to ever give up on her but that she had to "find her own way back to me". All very nice and she had a great time but then afterwards it unleashed an entire torrent of negativity and I found her packing her bags. She said "I can`t be with anyone right now" and "I am very deathly afraid that you are going to disappoint me again". I also got "it just makes me want to run away from you". I simply validated her feelings and said I would feel the same way too in her situation. She said "Sydney would be the place to reconcile as I will have my family with me as a support". I gently added that if and when we reconciled there would be waves of negativity that would come and go, that they would need to be worked through, and that they would be less frequent with time.

She was meant to be going today and as expected, OM has arranged a very cheap flight for her again. I have managed to persuade her to stay an extra day though.

She says frequently "I don`t know what I am doing at the moment" and "I need more time to reflect". I replied that I understand but that I myslef am at the end of my rope of patience - it has been three months and I am hearing the same old refrain.

This whole thing is just a twisted, twisted game. I cannot believe it. She has never mentioned the D word - it`s always been me that has suggested it in the past, but I am just at a loss. She doesn`t want to let me go, but she won`t commit either and she has said "don`t go with other girls, what if I want to come back to you in the future?". I am at my wits end. I think I just have to detach and move on, all the while remaining open to reconciliation until I find someone else to share my life with, or she does.

I am so bitterly upset I cannot describe it. It looks like we have come a long way since February when I started DBing, certainly lots of baby steps - time together, intimacy and ML, getting on great together, but it looks like all of my work is about to be undone - as far as my marriage itself is concerned.

Experienced DBers, what is my W going through? Is it a MLC and an A all wrapped up into one? And then dressed up as a separation? Even her Dad seems to think she is having a MLC. She doesn`t want to talk to him because she hates the fact that she will be sounding "uncertain" as she is normally very "certain". All of this is in fact true.

My gut feeling is telling me that there is still hope for us yet as she doesn`t want to end the marriage and neither do I (at least not now) but I am finding this simply impossible right now. She really has been abducted by an alien being.