Tough Love through a Letter-Advice needed

[Nutty Chick]

(((((Tipper)))))

You have really listened to the advice given. You have huge potential to move your life forward and find real happiness, with or without your H.

The tough love book is Ok. But I don’t think you can enforce boundaries on someone else. They have to choose to behave in an appropriate way out of respect for you, not because they are forced to.

Writing the letter was a brilliant idea. If it helps you write more; just don’t send. I keep a journal of my feelings and thoughts and have done so since H met OW, it has been helpful to be able to monitor my feelings and watch changes over time. It is good to ‘get it all out’

It sounds like he has ‘run away’ from life not just you, try not to take it personally. Don’t get drawn into his drunken texting. NO RESPONSE is the loudest message you can send him. Just hit delete and don’t reply.

I hear you saying that you want him to know your boundaries but think you are thinking too far ahead. This is a man you have not seen for months. He does not care about your boundaries right now. Write them in your journal and then let them drift from your mind. I remember a few months ago being terrified that my H would divorce me. Guess what, I ended up filing. Things, thoughts, feelings change over time. Take each day as it comes and focus on goals for you. What can you do to make yourself a better, more loving, forgiving person?

You said you want to ‘do’ something but don’t know what to do …let me tell you one of the best pieces of advice I got from the DB boards.

When you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

Just be patient, and still.

Do something for YOU. You have been through so much pain, you need time to recover and get strong.

Nutty.