ISLH, Thanks for the warm welcome back. Yes, I can't figure it out either. Yep, why can't he make up his mind???? There is more to follow on this. Read on...
I am so glad to hear your xH replied. Can't wait to catch up with you about it and about my vacation!
My H just left. It started out real upbeat. I got him takeout. We were eating then he told me I should get prepared for food scarcity because he didn't want me to starve. That made me start crying. H: Why are you crying? I don't want to make you sad. Me: I know you're trying to take care of me. H (looking real upset): I don't want you to be hurt. I was only trying to help. Me: I know, I was reading more into it. H: You thought I was making a statement about us. Me: Were you making a statement about us? H: I think of the very good and the very bad parts of our marriage. . . We went into a deep R talk. He is still terrified of going through the arguments and being sad in the M. Me: It's a matter of choice what we want to think. H: You are right. Me: What are your plans for me? H: It's sad but I have no plan at all.
I told him how thinking of the negative things makes us feel bad and brings on more negative sad thoughts. He agreed. I asked if he was depressed. He thinks so. I asked if he'd consider seeing someone..
He said he blocks me out just like he blocks out the boys because it hurts to think about them and me. He says he doesn't have the energy for anything, including our M, and doing more study which he thinks he should. I asked if it's possible he's lack of energy from depression and not having resolved his issues.
I showed him Michele's marriage breakthrough DVD and said he could watch it with me or watch it by himself. He said it looked interesting. When he was leaving, offered for him to borrow it. He said "Not for the moment".
I also offered for him to join me at church either at the same church or a new one. I offered to be available if he ever wanted to talk to me about anything - doesn't have to be R talk. I told him I was his friend. He said "I know". He also then told me he was my friend.
He told me I should go for someone who can make me happier than he can. I told him I loved him and don't love anyone else.
I asked if he was dating that co-worker and he said "absolutely not" and said they were professional friends. He doesn't even know where she lives.
I asked if he was looking for someone - he said "No". He's content by himself because he's happier now when compared to the very bad times in our M. How sad!!!
I said "Why go through sadness when we don't have to?" I told him I don't want to go back to our bad M either. I think our M can be 10x beter than we even imagined, if we want to make it so. I said we need to stop letting Satan plant evil/negative/bad thoughts in our mind. That we need God to help any M work.
I am praying that God is working on him. I have been praying for God to work on him in a mighty way. I guess maybe God orchestrated this whole thing.
We didn't end up ML. He stayed almost 3.5 hours. So we talked about our M for at least 2 hours. A long time. And neither of us got angry. I was crying on/off whihc is NOT necessarily a bad thing. He used to say I never cried in front of him.
A long night with much to reflect upon. It did hurt that he said blocked me out alot. But then he said he thought alot yesterday about one of the highlights of our M - watching movies together in bed while snowing outside. He sure sounds confused to me.
So I am feeling sad now, yet relieved that we talked. I think it helped him take a break from his destructive thought patterns.
