I got to talk w/ D tonight for about 20+ minutes, so it was great after not hearing from her the night before. During my chat w/ D, W got on the phone to tell me of two "new rules" to enforce w/ D.
One, was don't interrupt two dogs who are fighting - I told W we do this already, so W said we're just "reinforcing it." She also added, "D didn't get hurt, but I wanted you to know."
Rule #2 was "we don't talk w/ men who aren't wearing shirts." I asked, "you mean strangers in public, right?" -- of course I was worried about having to wear a t-shirt in the pool from now on. W answered as expected and I simply said, "that sounds reasonable. I'll be sure to enforce that w/ D."
I really felt like W wanted me to ask more about the subject, but I didn't. I'm sure you can understand my unwililngness to be chatty w/ her right now, so I made sure to acknowledge what she said and that was it. I was friendly and considerate and even said "thank you" when she was done -- and I really meant it.
Anyway, I finished w/ D and then watched the Suns blow a 1/2 time lead and really look like they'll have a near impossible task of digging out of an 0-2 hole against the Spurs. Who knows? Miracles do happen, don't they?
RTL, Good job on keeping things simple and to the point. You did not allow her an opportunity to get on you in front of D, which is more important. Keep on doing what you are doing, it seems to be helping you.
As for the Suns, that might be a different story. I am not going to say miracles do not happen, they defintely do. In this case, they do need to put 4 quarters together to beat the Spurs. They would eventually lose to teh Lakers though...
Overall, keep working on you, your relationship with your D, and keep DB'ing. Like I told you before, you may not get your W back but you will better off in the long run. Especially if someone new comes into your life.
Take Care...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
Once in Thailand, a food cart stopped at my MIL's house. I was outside with MIL and some neighbors buying some things and the neighborhood mongrel started a mean nasty fight with a dog from the food cart. It was pouring rain at the time and it was so surreal with the older Thai ladies all screaming at the dogs and myself finding a long aluminum pole and beating the dogs until they stopped. Your W is right, dont get your hands anywhere near the action. Those dog jaws can go through a persons flesh and bone like a butter knife through butter.
As for the Suns, I am sorry, but considering all the trouble the Suns of Marley, Barkley, KJ and Hornechek gave the Blazers, I love to see them lose. But, I will say I would much prefer the Suns over the evil Lakers.
I sent my e-mail to W this morning - I didn't see any reason to rush it to her last night, so I just waited until today. She responded pretty quickly w/:
Quote:
You don't have to keep an eye on D. You need to monitor YOUR behavior, not hers. At least you aren't denying that the things I pointed out in my e-mail are true.
Of course, I didn't respond.
So, I saw my L and we went over the materials I'm going to present to the parenting evaluator. It is going to cost me, but I'm having him pour over the e-mails I gave him so he'll be able to best choose what we should and should not send. I would have "thinned" things out, but honestly, I'd have no idea what to include or cut out. So, I'll pay the hefty price per hour to make sure it is done right.
I went home and cleaned up the clutter a bit and mopped the floors. I also did a really good job of sorting through all the piles and piles and piles of junk in the office and threw away what wasn't needed and filed the rest.
At a littl after 7, I was surprised to see W's phone calling me and D was on the line when I answered. We talked for 10+ minutes and D asked me if she could eat some ice cream. I asked her to tell me what she ate for dinner(which she did) then I said, "If mommy thinks you ate a good dinner, then you can have ice cream." D relayed this to W who said thanked me for having D check w/ her and for chacking on if she had eaten properly before eating sweets. The sad thing is I didn't get it on tape.
D next told me a kid at school said "sh!t" and then asked me to not say anything. I told her we don't say that word b/c it is a bad word and she shouldn't keep secrets. Unfortunately, this too was off tape.
After this, I got a bit smarter and got the recorder. D and I talked for a bit and then she left to eat her ice cream. However, before she did, she told me W was in a car accident last week and had screwed up her back. D then said the car was ok b/c it had gone to the "car dentist" and would be going back again. She also said W was ok. I tried to get W's attention to ask her about it, but was unsuccessful. D then said she'd call back, but I wasn't sure, so I told her goodnight and I loved her.
Sure enough, around 7:45 the little bugger called back. She said she was done w/ her ice cream and wanted me to watch TV w/ her for a bit. W wanted her to talk w/ me and not just have me listen to the TV so she asked me to assert this w/ D. I did and D got upset. W then stepped in and did a good job of comforting D who was crying at this point.
Then W said "This is mommy's fault. This is not daddy's fault. This is mommy's mistake." What? Something isn't my fault here? The best news is I DO HAVE THIS ONE ON TAPE!! Proof I don't cause every catastrophe in the universe!
Anyway, D and I talked for a bit, then she had me talk w/ W. I immediately asked W about the accident and her back and she told me the details. W was very friendly and conversational, so it was nice to talk w/ her again. She started to discuss how she was concerned w/ how she'd load all the drinks for the party in to the car w/ her bad back and I offered to take care of the drinks for the party. She said she'd think about it. She then said how difficult it is b/c she can't take the muscle relaxants that were prescried for her b/c they make her drowsy and "what if D needs me."
I offered to take D this week to allow her to rest as I'd love to see her. W was silent. She didn't say a word. D then asked to get back on the phone and I told W to let me know about taking D this week and the drinks. D and I then talked for a few more minutes.
I think W was considering it but she's really unsure what to do b/c to allow me to help would be difficult for her as she'd have to let her guard down. It would also show I'm not the a-hole she wants me to be. I'm hoping she'll stew on it a while (in a good way), but I'm not expecting to have her let me do anything to assist her. Not now anyway. Maybe down the road, but definitely not now.
When D and I were finishing up, she was so cute. She said I was "handsome. Very, very handsome. You are a little weird, but you are very handsome and I like you a lot." It was so darn adorable. I really miss her.
That was basically it. I LOVED talking w/ my D and I think I DB'd pretty well w/ W. Oh, BTW, I did ask W if I could call at 8 tomorrow b/c I was going to the gym from 7-8 as I cancelled my appointment tonight b/c I was in such a productive cleaning mode. I didn't tell W what I was doing, but she did agree to allowing me to call at 8 tomorrow, and this too is on tape. So, I've got proof, if I unfortunately need it.
Anyway, I think it went well and I always love talking to my D. It was nice to hear my W's voice soften, but I'm realistic to know it probably won't last. We'll see. She hates it when we don't communicate and I'll let you all know if I get anything from her tomorrow.
Gosh RTL, its just more of the same from yuor W, shes so bitter and paranoid (whats this latest with the man with no shirts on stuff???). You know what I think is interesting? Shes the one thats being angry and controlling! Shes being really really controlling. She clearly quizzes your D when she gets home from the comments she makes about how you spend yuor time with her, but she cant "control" that, shes your D and if you want to buy her a spongebob video, so be it. She is being so heavy handed. Its a shame the situation keeps dragging on as I can see how painful it is. Well done for not reacting to her text messages, they are so out there!
I was going to ask you, can yuo stop texting her? Cant you try talking to her, or get her to agree to talk to you? I cant believe you are having to have important conversations about your D welfare by text message! This is another example of her being controlling as I am sure she is insisting on this, so as to get the "evidence" she needs.
You are coping marvellously well, I admire yuor strength.
Ali ______________ Me: 37 BF: 34 T: 9 years IDLYA: 2 Nov 07 Own flat: 26 Jan 08 Depression confirmed: 4 Mar backing off?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
RTL, Seems like a productive stretch, in more ways than one. Continue to stand strong and try to be the calm and composed one. This will be evident in the courts and more importantly with your D.
You are getting it. In DR, it talks on how eventually you will begin to see things in a new light and approach things differently because of it. I believe that this is happening in you. You will be better for it. If you and your W reconcile it will be that much better. If not you and your D will better off as well. Keep up the good work.
KerryK, you do not have to tell me the Blazers are going to be tough in the next few years. It is going to be real interesting once Oden gets healthy... Until that time, go Lakers!!!
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
It is definitely more of the same from W. As for talking w/ her, she won't do it. I'm thinking along your lines that she wants a "record" of things, but sometimes I think she forgets this is a record and thus writes and rants anyway. I'm pretty sure she feels confident that her angry accusations will make her look good and my non-responses are equal to admission of guilt. I'm not so sure the normal world will see it that way.
Another theory of mine is that if she sends texts and e-mails, I can't tell how much she's been drinking. I know she drinks too much and I'm now convinced she has an alcohol problem due to her irrational thought and action patterns. I've been worried about her drinking in the past and I'm pretty sure one of the reasons she's resisting change is she doesn't want to stop drinking her liter of wine every day.
Oh, well. I can't control that and I am getting better at realizing it. I do find it interesting to see that she claims I was the one who was always getting angry and trying to control her, but as you so correctly point out, who now is calm and who is controlling? It is an interesting scenerio to watch unfold indeed.
Thank you for saying you admire my strength. I don't feel so strong some days and I do ok on others. I still feel I can be stronger, but I also do appreciate the compliment and support.
Keep checking in and I'll keep you posted as to how I'm doing.
