Enjoying my life!!!

[shewholurks]

Girl,

He didn't come *back* those two times. Yeah, he was around but until he makes the changes that need to be made in order for you to even consider reconciling he isn't *back*. He plays you. He plays her. He tries to play the two of you against each other.

Stay dark. Do what you need to do to protect yourself financially.

You can't save him. He has to want to save himself. At this point, I don't believe he does. He is on an ego trip because he has two women who fall all over themselves at the thought that he might return.

You deserve so much better than what he gives, Kissak.

*hugs*
~ swl

[kissak]

Thanks Dar....

SWL....I know I deserve so much better. He probably would agree to that...and I know he didnt come "back" those last two times, but he asked for a chance.

I dont think he wants to save himself either at this point. He thinks he is trying by going to counseling...but I think if I was to let him off the hook and say IM DONE! He would be so relieved.

But dark will be easy. Hardly thought of him today really. Been tied up here at work with a difficult customer. It has completely kept my mind off of things. The only time he has come up to thought is here and when I thought I heard my phone buzz.

Im ok. He wont never come back. But he will keep me on that string when things arent rosey with them. I have recognized all the patterns now.

I am cutting the string. I dont want no man who wont treat me as "special".

[Maya44]

YOU GO GIRL!!!

[mishka422]

Right on Kissak! Stick to your guns. You are special and deserve respect. He doesn't even know the meaning of the word.

((((Kissak)))))

[kissak]

Im so sad, yet mad at the same time. I mean....2 nights ago it was him saying "me and the OW are not back together"...to her dumping her bf again and my H back at her place tonight.

This is soooo childish. So middle school. So dumb that people actually want to play this game.

It makes me sick. Is completely going dark on him going to get my point across about how stupid he and all this really is?

Come on. This is so pathetic.

I really dont want him calling my house anymore even to talk to the kids. Im so fed up with him. Im thinking of telling him if he wants to speak to his kids he can buy them a cell phone so he can call them whenever he wants. Im thinking I will have to have my house phone turned off anyway for financial reasons and I do not even want him calling my cell phone.

He knows I am angry. He hasnt called or texted all day. He did call my cell phone tonight but left no message. I think he only called my cell because the House phone was busy. Im sure he was only calling to talk to the kids.

No reminding of ball practices or games, he has schedules of them. He will have to do like I do...call the coach if he wants to know something.

Son has a game on Friday night. I will not remind him.

No more BORROWING MY lawn mower to mow HIS yard.

He can buy his own.

Ha! I can do this. It is becoming easier and easier every time he does this crap!!

Why cant he see that if he doesnt fix himself first, it wont even work with the OW?

I have to say I have never seen someone so addicted to another person. They both are. Yet, when they are together, they end up breaking up over stupid little stuff every time.

I dont know why I even concern myself. I

I have to let go.

I have to be done.

I will NOT tell him though.

I KNOW without a doubt that he thinks he can come kissing back up to me once again down the road and ask for another chance.

BUT....what he doesnt know is that he has already used up his last chance.

I was alot closer this last time than ever, you know? I actually told him NO chance unless he was to cut all contact...then I would only consider it.

Now people are telling me that in the beginning of all of this she did leave her H for mine.

They will have to answer to God for this one day. I am proud that I didnt let my marriage go easily. I fought for it.

Im sad....but Im done.

NOT saying the door cant be opened back up again one day....but there is NO chance in this world I could ever, ever trust him again.

I do deserve to be loved .

[mishka422]

You do deserve to be loved and respected Kissak. Remember the respect!

Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your kids financially and legally but do not put yourself in his drama any longer.

Forgiveness......that's the only way to peace. God requires us to forgive those who have wronged us in order to be forgiven ourselves. You will have to choose to forgive. It is a decision just like love is. Love is not a feeling, it is a decision and a commitment. Forgiveness is the same. You have to be willing to be willing to forgive first. The next step is to speak directly to God and ask for Him to forgive you for the wrongs you have done and then tell God you forgive your H for the destruction of your family and the pain he has caused.

I know you aren't going to want to hear this but....you will also need to forgive the OW.

All of this goes against human nature of course but these steps are all necessary in order to find happiness, peace and joy again.

Do these things for you Kissak. Do them for your kids.

((((Kissak)))))

[Grace_O]

I do deserve to be loved .

Sweetie, you deseerve to be cherished.

[mishka422]

Grace - CHERISHED....I love that word. It speaks volumes doesn't it?

Kissak - How are you feeling today? Pray, pray, pray...that's really all I can say. Keep your chin up and hug those kids.

[kissak]

Thanks Mishka and Grace....I do deserve to be cherished. I am doing ok today.

Im trying to stay out of the drama.

I turned off my phones last night when I went to bed....didnt want him bothering me. I left home this morning without turning them on....when I got to work I did turn on my cell phone to vibrate....he had called bunches of time and sent messages saying he was trying to call and wanted to know if I was talking to him at all....then he goes with the guilt card...he said "I guess you arent talking to me and there goes listening to both sides".

I didnt reply and wont. Now he is more interested in talking to me than talking to the kids....they are at school and are fine. He knows I would call if there was a problem with the kids.

He is stewing because I wont answer my phone. He did text once and said that if I just werent talking to him just tell him.

DUH?

Im not playing this game. He will not manipulate me anymore.

Is it wrong of me not to answer or reply?

Last time i didnt answer his calls he actually had the OW text me to ask me to call him that he was worried.

Oh, let her texted me today....Got a sentence already in mind, goes like this "he would know where his wife is if he werent sleeping with the ***** down the street".

Oh, that wasnt very christian of me was it?

I have forgiven him. I forgive her too. I do pray for both of them every night...well maybe not her but definitly for him.

Im not bitter. Just tired of being hurt. Im just going to let God handle this mess.

I can be angry at them for now....but I do forgive. Always have.

[kissak]

My H will not give up calling me. HE even called and left a message trying to make ME feel bad! Said he was sorry that I didnt want to talk to him.

Then later he called and I answered. He had called from a different number, I couldnt quite hear him and I hung up after saying hello a couple of times. Well, he called back and I let the machine get it. HE told me that was rude of me to hang up on him and that I could hear him just fine and for me to call him back.

Did I?

NO!

I have already put my phone out in my truck. Now he wont stop calling work. He wants to know why I wont talk to him. He wants to know why I am avoiding him?

Is he an idiot? Hasnt he figured out that I dont want to talk?

I dont want to hear his side. I have heard his side for over a year now and it is always the same....