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Just a song (like he did) that you like, that you send him, without asking anything about it, not even if he likes it, for me could do that.

A piece in a newspaper that you can scan and sent him about something you know he would be interested in, with a note "I thought you'd like that" could do that. No questions, nothing.


K, thank you so much for your thoughts. Are you suggesting
-contact him in the above way instead of calling him on the phone?
-contact him in the above way in addition to calling him on the phone?

What are your timeframe/spacing thoughts... my gut is telling me 3ish weeks... it's already been one week.

I just don't want to suddenly bombard him with a bunch of stuff. Maybe I am misunderstanding the difference between NC and bombarding.

But I do have a whole long list of things like this I could do, from when I thought I'd need to do it *before* we talked on the phone. Like:
-instructions on how to make your own beer
-a funny card
-links to a ridiculous cello concerto
-ethiopian jazz mp3, etc.

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Especially with your trip to NY you need to at least have made some contact prior to just telling him to meet up there.


What I am planning is...
a few more contacts (hopefully a few more conversations
then mention I will be there
if he doesn't ask to see me, then ask to see him.
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You have all the tools, the knowledge, the discipline, you have to revisit your goals re him and your R (no need to set goals for youself, you are already ahead by ...my estimate 5 years at this point) and ACT.


Thank you for saying this, K \:\) I definitely need to revisit my goals for the R. That is a good assignment, and I will post the results!

Right now I'd say the overall goals are:
-for me to be accepting of whoever he is (NO CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR)
-to connect in a light and friendly way
-continue to build tiny bridges of friendship
-show who I am NOW... create a new dynamic from my new dynamic WITHIN
&
including some of the older goals..
-he will call me or contact me for some reason (other than calling me back)
-he will touch me FOR ANY REASON

Can I tell you something really weird? For some reason now that things are starting to happen, I feel like I can turn my attention and energy to other things in my life. Like now that there is actually contact, I feel I don't need to think about this all the time. Isn't that weird??
K, you are amazing.

((((K))))))
T