To me it sounds as though you feel entitled to something from CB.
It was a brief, inappropriate R. You have acknowledged it was inappropriate. She ended it. She did nothing cruel. She stopped contact with you. End of story. She has no duty or obligation to continue to serve as your drug of choice during your emotional recovery from your separation.
As for this: "I just can't imagine how cutting off virtually all interaction with a man who has put no inappropriate pressure of any kind on you nor has he made any inappropriate comments or anything else is necessary."
Well, hogwash. The romantic/love/sex fantasy vibes were seeping out your pores through your fingers onto the screen here. I have little doubt that she was quite aware of your interest in her, whether you voiced them or not.
Regardless, the R didn't work for her. She ended it. It is really OK. The "cruelty" you point to is her failure to meet your emotional needs.
My XMC told me that when people change, they tend to over correct for awhile. So perhaps your lack of holding people accountable for their behavior when you don't like how they treat you is swinging to the other extreme. If so, it will probably settle out after awhile.
You don't NEED to explain CBs behavior to yourself. She chose to stop interaction with you, that is all you need to know. She doesn't need an excuse. She doesn't need to make amends for not being in your life the way you would have liked her to be.
The biggest problem here is that you were BOTH playing with fire. It was an unhealthy and inappropriate R. You were using her to bandaid. No doubt it has caused you both to feel some pain. But somehow, in your mind, this seems to be all about you and her purported ill treatment of you. Step away from the victim role. It doesn't suit.
You made bad choices. You don't like their result. Own it.
"You don't NEED to explain CBs behavior to yourself"
"The biggest problem here is that you were BOTH playing with fire"
"You made bad choices. You don't like their result. Own it."
"the R didn't work for her. She ended it. It is really OK."
Agreed, let's sign this baby off now!
"The romantic/love/sex fantasy vibes were seeping out your pores through your fingers onto the screen here" I'm gettin hot just reading this OT, maybe Muslim lady will let me push her floor button tonight with one of my seeping fingers
But in all seriousness, I appreciate the time you took to reply, you make some valid points. I also have sometimes wondered whether CB has cut off all contact because even a two minute chat in the parking lot keeps me in her head and she don't want me there. Who really knows and I guess I never will but, as you point out, I don't need to either. At the concert I will just be nice then smile and wave. It'll be fine.
OT, you being CB's biggest cheerleader on the board ( ) I'm wondering how you think I should deal with her at this concert? She will most likely approach my family, speaking to my STBX and my mother, toss me a social smile and I can either choose to engage her or not. Should I just be a statue? Should I introduce some sizzling weather talk, should I walk away declaring the need for a bathroom visit? or should I just skip intermission and stay in my seat looking like a real chickensh!t? The possibilities are endless! With luck she'll buy a ticket to a different show. hey, maybe she'll bring her bf (fat chance)and we can get to know each other. What do you say, OT?
Hey Tom, I went to bible study tonight and I think I'm not gonna sit beside the Pastor anymore, cuz if him and I keep it up he's gonna get kicked out of his own bible study! The group was discussing tender love versus tough love and the question was "is there any reason that you wouldn't tell truth to someone?" and I said "Yes, whenever she says she wants the truth, you tell her and then she won't talk to ya for two days afterwards" the Pastor says "Wow, you only get the silent treatment for two days?" I said "Hey Pastor, what should ya say when she asks 'do you think I'm fat' " He says "nothing, you just turn the TV up louder" yuk yuk yuk. It has to stop!
You know.. I havent been to Bible Study for a long time.. I should probably do that ? Hmmm...
I dont think we could do a window seat though.. if it got breezy we would have to do.. well recite other passages, I think ? Something about ashes to ashes.. dust to dust.. Or that song by Kansas.. Dust in the Wind ?
Anyway.. This Thread is titled " Growing Pains ", eh ?
My buddy Wi.. is having his and I thought I would chime in a bit.. and try to help out a little bit.
You see that CB was simply part of that process there ? It is awesome btw.. and something you just feel and enjoy ? So new and so different from the stuff ? The stuff will kill your spirit and tell you not to feel anymore.
It is a wonderful thing when you get out from under it. Isnt it ?
One caveat.. It has to come from YOU.. not from anyone else. That is the tricky part.. atleast that is what I think I know. YOU have to do it on your own. Nothing else can do it the right way.
