Anniversary I'm usually a card and flowers yes and that is the one I am going to find more awkward I think. For birthday, I don't mind the getting the pressies as they are a gift either way, but an anniversary is something more if you like.
I am at the moment thinking of getting a card and having it ready written etc and then see what happens. I might even get 2 with different messages depending but got a little time to see what goes on before then.
so, how do we know if were making progress ? I mean, I know the book says list things you'd like as small steps and as I say above, I have seen a few that I would have listed a week or so back, but GFI is telling me to be careful... Confused a bit.
Arthur, There is a response from Gucci Loafer over on Ping1's first thread that gives a good example of what to say in an anniversary card. You could look for that in that thread. I know GL told Ping1 not to get a mushy card. Get something plain. GL told him exactly what to say in the card also..
Just noticed that Safie is a busted Divorce but still comments on here which I think is great. So Safie, could you post a link to your story for me as I would love to read from start to finish. All the ones in the DB section are great, but never the daily journaling like most of us do
A, Here it is. I copied and pasted. Don't know if it will apply to your sitch..I thought iit was good and would apply to mine and I planned to use it.
Just to let you know, I have heard you and what you have been trying to tell me for a long time. I am very sorry for my failures as a husband and father to such a giving, thoughtful woman. Signed... Ping
Thanks M as I couldn't find it. I may adapt it slightly but I do like the jist of it. I'll be sure to post the wording here before I send for commenting.
Strange thing with this board, I wish I'd found it a year ago, but my realtionship was not over back then. Think there could be a seperate site that diverts you to here that is more relationship wise before it gets to seperation state. Just thinking out loud and guess I have regrets that I didn't get here sooner
Thanks M as I couldn't find it. I may adapt it slightly but I do like the jist of it. I'll be sure to post the wording here before I send for commenting.
Strange thing with this board, I wish I'd found it a year ago, but my realtionship was not over back then. Think there could be a seperate site that diverts you to here that is more relationship wise before it gets to seperation state. Just thinking out loud and guess I have regrets that I didn't get here sooner
Yes, coulda, woulda, shouda.. My W has told me many times over the last 5 months..I wish we would have started C 2 years ago. me being the prideful man I thought I was I did not think a C could help me. I was wrong. It may be too late for me and my W now.
I also had planned to do all the house stuff this summer that needs doing, but no longer sure I should. If we were to split it would be wasted, needed money. thoughts ?
Yes, I've already given my thoughts about this, but perhaps you threw it out the window. You need to fix the house up....period. Act "as if" you are planning to be there with your wife. She will appreciate you so much for doing these things that she probably can't do and is considered "man's work". If you wanted to sell your house anyway, you certainly would need to fix it up.....most real estate people tell you that.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sorry Sandi, I did see you say this, I was just looking for other comments.
The thing is, yes I would like to do all this, but am in so much pain on and off at the moment and my W is of the opinion that she keeps the house whatever. Now, I've no idea where I stand legally, but I know she would keep it to start with and I would go.
Had a bad night last night. Nothing happened, but I went out as felt it might as I felt the atmosphere was a little tense. Neither of us are sleeping great, so little things seem bigger. Anyway, I couldn't sleep when I got home and things started going around my head. Thankfully my W didn't wake up as I could of had a huge backslide. I was feeling emotional and possibly would have gone into begging and questioning mode, which I know is the wrong thing, but some days I just get terrible anxiety attacks and paranoia and feel I need answers.
I'm so scared for my kids in all this more than anything. They are the innocent ones who will be the most affected and they deserve that their mummy and daddy do everything they can to resolve their issues (IMO). You make commitments when you marry to one another but when you have kids you are making a commitment to them also. They are a product of you love !!
What I really want to do is grab my W, give her the biggest cuddle ever and tell her I'll protect her and the kids forever and everything will be alright.
We did discuss my W birthday early in the evening though and what my son would get her and I said I would get x that she suggested. She also asked that we take her out for lunch on her actual birthday so that was a positive I guess.
Is it generally it will take 1 month for every year of marriage before things get semi good ? or 1 year for every year together ? I am not naturally a patient person, I'm a mr punctual or early so maybe that is why I am finding this super tough.
Anyway, helps to get my feelings out on here. Sure i've missed some but expect a daily update from me as it helps. Need to do weekly steps when I get home tonight.
Sorry Sandi, I did see you say this, I was just looking for other comments.
The thing is, yes I would like to do all this, but am in so much pain on and off at the moment and my W is of the opinion that she keeps the house whatever. Now, I've no idea where I stand legally, but I know she would keep it to start with and I would go.
Had a bad night last night. Nothing happened, but I went out as felt it might as I felt the atmosphere was a little tense. Neither of us are sleeping great, so little things seem bigger. Anyway, I couldn't sleep when I got home and things started going around my head. Thankfully my W didn't wake up as I could of had a huge backslide. I was feeling emotional and possibly would have gone into begging and questioning mode, which I know is the wrong thing, but some days I just get terrible anxiety attacks and paranoia and feel I need answers.
I'm so scared for my kids in all this more than anything. They are the innocent ones who will be the most affected and they deserve that their mummy and daddy do everything they can to resolve their issues (IMO). You make commitments when you marry to one another but when you have kids you are making a commitment to them also. They are a product of you love !!
What I really want to do is grab my W, give her the biggest cuddle ever and tell her I'll protect her and the kids forever and everything will be alright.
We did discuss my W birthday early in the evening though and what my son would get her and I said I would get x that she suggested. She also asked that we take her out for lunch on her actual birthday so that was a positive I guess.
Is it generally it will take 1 month for every year of marriage before things get semi good ? or 1 year for every year together ? I am not naturally a patient person, I'm a mr punctual or early so maybe that is why I am finding this super tough.
Anyway, helps to get my feelings out on here. Sure i've missed some but expect a daily update from me as it helps. Need to do weekly steps when I get home tonight.
Arthur, JMO--you're looking ahead a little I think. Things seem to be going good in your sitch. Your questioning about successes and timelines, when things will be back to normal/or better..
This is not a 100 yard dash, this is a marathon, a long one. You and I are a lot alike on that front..We need to have more patience. We expect too much too soon. Keep doing what your doing. Don't push.
