He was complaining about the phone not working, and wanted to know why....im in charge of everything dontcha know.
Oh you bet I know!
These are my H's thoughts (I know because he talked, sometimes yelled, to me about it), and I wouldn't be surprised if your H shares some of the same:
My H's first and foremost responsibility is to provide for his family. If he's not doing that, then he feels that he is failing miserably, and yes, he stresses out BIG time.
What will add to that stress is if anything in the house isn't up to par or if something isn't functioning properly. Since I am the SAHM, it is MY responsibility to see that everything that has to do with the house, including our children, are in order and good to go.
My H works his butt off so that I can be afforded the luxury of being a SAHM.....Luxury......Doesn't always feel that way, I know , but we should remember that our H's responsibilities aren't always as simple either. Being the sole breadwinner has got to be quite a load to carry. That's why I got a part-time job. It's not very much, but it does help a little in some ways. I get to be out of the house and away from the kids and H twice a week for a few hours, the little bit of extra income is always helpful, and I know that my H really appreciates it.
I read over this current thread of yours and you said you used to work before. Have you thought about finding something again? Even something that might just be part-time? I think it would be great for you to be able to get out of the house on your own from time to time, and I would think that the extra income could only be a good thing.
Anyway, back to the phone thing. Perhaps if there's something around the house that needs attention, try to get to it before H does. Seeing that things in the house are being taken care of might make him feel better. It might make him feel that you DO care. This is also something that my H said to me.
Have you read "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman? If so, what are H's LLs? Could one be AOS? Possibly WOA, too? Just curious - I know you would like to hear it from him, but when was the last time YOU told your H that you appreciated HIM and all that he does, how hard he works to see that you and the boys are taken care of?
What are your LLs?
Quote:
thanks for stopping by goingforward..he is strange in the fact that most people don't speak for awhiile after they fight.. he turns it on and off like a switch.
You and I are alike in that way! I used to be the one to hold on to grudges while my H would be the one to quickly forgive and forget. While I was still stewing, even hours later, my H would come home and act as if nothing ever happened. Then when he would see that I was still mad, that's when he'd get p*ssed all over again.
As hard as it is, tal, flip the switch yourself. Do the 180 and let it go. Act as if you're over the stupid fight (like one over a phone ) and carry on cheerfully, upbeat, and smiling.
BTW, I'm not making light of your sitch by the phone comment. Believe me! My H and I fought over a friggin' alarm clock and a stupid fan one night! LOL
Curious about another thing - I'm nosey, I guess - What have you done lately to GAL? What have you done for YOURSELF? Is family available to help out with the boys when you need alone time? You have to be able to take care of you, too, you know. Don't neglect yourself.
I also agree with what Karen said about speaking up for yourself, especially when your H gets into one of his shouting fits.
Originally Posted By: karen43
if you say something like your yelling at me is inappropriate or disrespectful or whatever, you need to stop,
This is really good. However, change it to an "I" statement. For instance, "I feel that all of this yelling is highly inappropriate and disrespectful to the both of us, and I really believe it needs to stop. I will be willing to calmly discuss what is bothering you when you have cooled down and we can both communicate with each other as rational adults."
If he won't stop after you've stated your peace, then yes. Go to another room. Leave the house if you have to. I have before, and my H frequently got the message.
If he's yelling in front of the boys, I would immediately and calmly tell him, "They really do not need nor do they deserve to hear their parents arguing like this. Let's calm down and talk later," or something to that effect.
Ok, I gotta go to work! Sorry about the long post! Hope something in here helps.
(((((((Tal)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
, but we should remember that our H's responsibilities aren't always as simple either. Being the sole breadwinner has got to be quite a load to carry. That's why I got a part-time job. It's not very much, but it does help a little in some ways. I get to be out of the house and away from the kids and H twice a week for a few hours, the little bit of extra income is always helpful, and I know that my H really appreciates it.
- What have you done lately to GAL? What have you done for YOURSELF? Is family available to help out with the boys when you need alone time? You have to be able to take care of you, too, you know. Don't neglect yourself.
