I know you want to know how, and why! and I really understand that. But, I think you are tearing yourself apart trying to answer questions that just don't have answers. Unless because he can, and because he wants to count as answers.
I don't know how to suggest that you detach, but I thinnk that is what you have to do, to save your sanity. You really need to stop letting your mind be controlled by what he is or isn't doing. And by trying to understand it, it just can't be understood.
I know that's not a very satisfying answer, and it probably doesn't seem very helpful. But if you are going to have any chance to restore things, you have to save yourself!
