Reclaiming myself and my life #6

[COG]

Frank,

It's been awhile. Something drew me to this site today so I checked to see which of my friends have been active in the past 24 hours. Lucky you! I feel your pain my brother.

So if she wants to be my friend, then she has to be my wife. And to do THAT she has to PROVE to me that she wants to be with me.

Yuk! What woman in their right mind would be attracted to that kind of attitude. It's one thing to be strong, and have a natural attraction, it's another thing to demand it.

Another note, she has actually started reading her 'how to get a divorce book' the past 2 days or so.

Can't say I fault her, it doesn't sound like she has many options. Her H just isn't there.

Later on of course, she was asking me about dinner and said that cooking the BBQ ribs I had gotten would take 2 hours and it was already 6 pm. When I said 'Well, I'm not starving so I could wait' she said 'You know you aren't the only f'king person in this house!'.

Whoa.

Whoa is right. I can't believe you missed that one. Remember the "statements are questions and questions are statements thing"? I think YOU first taught me that one. 8:00 is really late to eat ribs, especially if it was a night before school. She also probably knows that 2 hours can easily turn into more, AND by the time you eat and then clean up, it's 10:00 already. No time to relax. She was right on that one, maybe could have given a better delivery, but she was probably just responding to the look you were giving her. You know the "I think your a cold hearted manic bitch" look.

Saw my counselor today. We talked about the 'niceness' of W and she really thinks she is manic. She thinks she needs a lot of therapy, medication and prayer. She is really starting to wonder if she really will move out on her own, and points out that she has been wanting to 'find herself' for the past 20 years.

Are you paying your C to analyze your W? Has your C ever met your W? One of the most poisonous pills I swallowed during my separation was the BS my C's were feeding me about what a whacked out nut my W was. It just helped feed my own denial about what a wussy, needy, controlling, whiny, wimpy, self centered, pouty thing I was being. Please stop judging and analyzing her. Leave her if you must. But I assure you, beneath her exterior there lies a very beautiful soul. One that is suffering, afraid, angry, and hurt. She doesn't need you to be her savior.

I sure wish God would whack my W over the head with a hammer and get her to see what she's doing to us all.

We ALL need a good whack now and again. Stay focused on YOU. Live in peace and joy, even in the midst of chaos. Find that spirit, that srong and powerful energy that will carry you through any crisis. If your W's moods and attitude are dragging you down, then it is YOU who needs the boot in the rear or a whack with a hammer.

Of course your D is going to align with you, your W is a basket case right now. I hope you can find the courage, strength and faith to stand by her, to hold her hand, to see the love of Christ in her heart. My W changed, she changed because I changed.

My favorite saying was to keep doing what works, and stop doing what doesn't. I just don't see how your current actions and attitude are helping your sitch. I'm praying you'll try something new.

God Bless,

COG