I think she just needs more time. Nothing in life is spectacularly obvious and eventually she'll figure that out. In the meantime, make sure to take care of yourself and do what you need to do, follow the path that you know you need to follow.

Me: 42/H: 37
T: 10 years/M: 8
D9, S8
Bomb: 7.23.07
Separated: 1.20.08
D Final 3.19.09
Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09

My life is good.