H4H - is good to see your sitch is showing sign of improvements - it gives me a lot of strength, and this is what this forum is about. I hope I am going to be able to post some good news too. At today the situation is very bleak. W said she wants to move S6 to a private school near her job (and OM house) because she says S6 doesn't like the after school program - I stormed because we really like the school where S6 is now, and that would make it very hard for me to pick him up, like I always do. I implied she was think about this because of OM and that she is planning to move there She said that she is not planning to move there... YET, and that OM anyway checked the public schools and they are very good(?). This kind of conversation made me sic - I mean - this is FAST - I asked if she is sure about something like this! - And she answered that OM is a VERY special guy, he came from a poor and nonsupporting family but he climbed is way up, he is also giving back a lot to the community, after he graduated he gave his first wage in scholarship to help less fortunate kids. He is also good looking and athletic - he has been single for sometime and now at 47 he wants a family (mine), he would me very supportive of the kids, not a father but more like an uncle to be buddy with. They also thought about a startup together - something nonprofit to help others. I was devastated I felt I lost my family for good - I told her that this news made me very sad, I knew we cannot be married, and we have to move on with our lives, but I had the secret dream that maybe in 5 years o so, when our lives were different, we could reconnect like H and W, but now I know she was gone for good. She said not to run too much with my imagination, that the guy is not perfect and she is worried about the 12 years difference of age - and "other few things" but she admires the guy a lot and she is taking a step at the time. I don't know how I am going to pull this out. I think they are going to tide the knot as soon the divorce is final - or maybe move together even before that. I am on a slippery slope with banana peels as shoes.
I have to say in this months it has been a hit after another. It is very hard to be upbeat after been smashed so badly. My father said there is not much I can do right now - I just have to wait for the best moment to hit back, for now just prepare my weapons.... be super sparkling so if a windows of hope opens I can be there 100%. It is a good strategy but I when I hear W taking about getting M with OM I just panic. My only hope is that OM is going to force a bit too much and backfire.... but now they are in paradise... and I am in hell
Is it "normal" in a WAW sithc that W starts planning a life with OM so fast? Is it part of the process? Is it a very bad sign? I don't know what to think about. And also if I do know there is not a straight answer and every sitch is different, I'd like to have some comments about it - please.
I talked to my parents - they freaked me out!!! They start saying that OM - 47 no kids never had a family beside a short M a while ago - so willing to be the "uncle" of the kids - what if is a total weirdo - what if is after the kids!!! and not W. Now I am very freaked out. I don't want to talk W about this because it would sound I am crazy - and I hope I am - any comment is welcome.
I don't know if "improvements" is the right word for my sitch. Everytime WW and I are watching something on tv or reading the paper, I always purposely point out how you can't trust anyone these days. Don't let your mind get the best of you. Of course, who knows. I usually try to see the good side, but your WW seems pretty set. Praying for you, brother.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 04/22/0811:07 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
yes H4H - also if I am not very religious, I feel that praying is the only thing left - I'm not going to give up anyway, I'll keep working on myself, although today I am so depressed the only thing I feel is crying - I feel immensely lonely - the few friends and family I have are all far away - I made the huge mistake isolate me inside my family, and this gave me a double hit - first it took a toll on the family and then I'm left with nothing, alone. I am sorry my post are not very encouraging - I hope in the future I am going to be again the happy and goofy person I use to be. Maybe a miracle is going to change the direction but for now..........
rop, I was saved a couple of years ago. Don't want to get religious on you, but there's a saying that goes," You'll never that Jesus is all you have until Jesus is all you have." My spirituality has gotten me through a lot. And it's ok to cry. Sometimes it just has to come out. Like I tell my WW, miracles can happen. They may not be overnight, but they can happen. I have seen it.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Yes h4h, spirituality gives you that extra boost, I saw it in other people I know. It boosts your inner strength, I'll try to revive that part of me, I definitely need it. Right now, the only thing that gives me strength and peace of mind is thinking that she is not worth it, that she is a selfish lier, mentally unstable, morally worthless, and I don't want her anymore. I understand it is also my pride that I try to protect, but it is the only way I can see now to stop the desperation and start to function again as a person - I need to be productive and active. Since I switched my focus and my thinking my mood improved, but I do understand that I am throwing the towel. My family, my kids, are the most important thing in the world, I am so sorry for them. My parents are divorced, and I promised I would not let my kids go through what I went trough, but I guess I couldn't make this promise by myself. I'll keep a door open for W, just because I think is right and my kids deserve this commitment from me, but from now on I'll plan my life without her, she is gone, and that is that.
The one thing that I can truly tell myself is that I know and my kids know that I tried absolutely everything that I could do. That gives me a peace. I have made some great changes in myself. I have expressed, very foolishly, that I will always wait for her. Until my dying breath. How's that for dramatic. Her reply was thats not fair to you. Whatever.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
h4h I know the feeling - it is like taking your heart out of your chest, wrap it in a golden foil and ceremoniously give it to her, thinking she would be pleased to receive such a treasure, but the answer is that she doesn't care.... it is shocking, it has been shocking for me.
I was reading some posts about going dark. While I try to be as mysterious as I can, and I disclose very little of what I do, WAW is much "darker" then I am. Now she barely talks to me - just the strict necessary to deal with the kids. We used to be best friends, and even after we split, we were acting as good friends, talk about our day, etc. I think in the last couple of weeks or so the R with OM got in full swing and there is no more space for me not even as a friend, she is in the middle of a love story and this is the only thing that matters. I thought to write her an email saying that if she needs me I am still her friend, but I decided not to, there is no point right now - if in the future there is going to be the chance to show my friendship I will. For now she wants out of the picture. Too bad. I still need to concentrate more on myself. I need to have to picture more clearly in my mind a life without her. Still venting....
