You're apprehensive because you don't know what's going on, you don't have a lot of control right now and there's no clear path.
I still think your idea of pulling back lovingly is a good one. Give her some space, give yourself some control. Don't be rash and don't be mean.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09