You are right to say that you can't change the situation.
Only God can change it.
But you are wrong to say she is forever lost. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. God hasn't abdicated his power, might or widsom to any of us.
You can't bank on her changing. You can't plan as if she might. You must move on. But you can certainly allow yourself to be surprised by the Spirit. And you can delight in the God of joy and dance when his grace bids you dance. You dance because of him, not because of what your wife does or doesn't do.
